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The Worth Of The Price
by
Abruptly, Miss Willis grew angry with herself, and stopped. When angry she was collected.
Dr. Carter’s face lit up humorously.
“You have no idea,” he said, “how you have relieved my mind.”
The girl looked a question.
“I supposed I was the embarrassed individual,” he laughed.
“If you had only given me a hint,” suggested the girl, reproachfully. She was now amazed that she had ever lost her grip upon herself, and wondered why she had.
“A hint!” he exclaimed. “I was dumb; I thought you’d see.”
The tension was off, and they laughed together. From then on, both remained natural. In the midst of a lull, Dr. Carter suddenly said:
“You’ll think me a barbarian, Miss Willis, but I have a request to make. I am in the mood to-night to be unconventional”–the corners of his serious mouth lifted humorously–“to be what I really am,” he illuminated, “and to meet you in the same spirit.” He paused with a little shrug. “It is a disappointing reversion to the primitive, I must admit.” He glanced up whimsically. “May I ask you a question–any question?”
“Do you think it possible,” the girl evaded, “for a modern woman to meet you–the way you say–naturally?”
He seemed to question her seriousness.
“I have seen little of women for a number of years,” he returned, “but I’d hate to think it impossible.”
“Little of women!” was the surprised comment.
“You misunderstand,” he quickly corrected. “I go out so seldom that the woman I see is not the real woman at all; not the woman of home.” His hand made a little motion of forbearance. “In his consultation-room the patients of a physician are–sexless.”
“I think that a woman–that I–can still be natural, Dr. Carter,” said Miss Willis, slowly, her eyes downcast. “What did you wish to ask?”
It was his turn to hesitate.
“I hardly know how to put it, now that I have permission,” he apologized, with a deprecatory little laugh.
“We seldom do things in this world,” he went on at once, “unless we want to, or unless the alternative of not doing them is more unpleasant.” He merged generalities into a more specific assertion. “There was no alternative in your requesting me to call. Candidly, why do I interest you?”
His voice was alive, and the woman, now thoroughly mistress of herself, gazed into the frankest of frank gray eyes.
“I scarcely know,” she said, weighing her answer. “Perhaps it was the novel experience of being considered–sexless; of being classified by a number, like a beetle in a case. Let me answer with another question: Why did I interest you sufficiently to come?”
He sat in the big chair with his chin in his hand, looking now steadily past and beyond her, one foot restlessly tapping the rug.
“I can’t answer without it seeming so hopelessly egotistical.” The half-whimsical, half-serious smile returned to his eyes. “Don’t let me impose upon your leniency, please; I may wish to make a request sometime again.”
“I will accept the responsibility,” she insisted.
“On your head, then, the consequences.” He spoke lightly, but with a note of restlessness and rebellion.
“To me you are attractive, Miss Willis, because you are everything that I am not. With you there is no necessity higher than the present; no responsibility beyond the chance thought of the moment. You choose your surroundings, your thoughts. Your life is what you make it: it is life.”
“You certainly would not charge me with being more independent than you?” protested the girl.
“Independent!” he flashed upon her, and she knew she had stirred something lying close to his soul. His voice grew soft, and he repeated the word, musingly, more to himself than to her: “Independent!”
“Yes,” with abrupt feeling, “with the sort of independence that chooses its own manner of absolute dependence; with the independence that gives you only so much of my time, so that the remainder may go to another; with the independence of imperative impartiality; the sort of independence that is never through working and planning for others–that’s the independence I know.”