PAGE 4
The Two-Cent Stamp
by
“He was conversing with me of that occurrence,” said Philo Gubb. “He was consulting me in my professional capacity.”
“An’ a fine young lad he is!” said Policeman Fogarty, reaching into his pocket. “I got th’ divvil for arristin’ him. ‘Twas that dark, ye see, Misther Gubb, I cud not see who I was arristin’. Maybe he was consultin’ ye about gettin’ clear iv th’ charge ag’inst him?”
“He retained my deteckative services,” said Philo Gubb.
“Poor young man!” said Fogarty. “I’ll warrant he has none too much money. Me hear-rt bleeds for him. Ye’ll have no ind iv trailin’ an’ shadowin’ an’ other detective wurrk to do awn th’ case, no doubt. ‘Tis ixpinsive wurrk, that! I was thinkin’ maybe ye’d permit me t’ contribute a five-dollar bill t’ th’ wurrk, for I’m that sad t’ have had a hand in arristin’ him.”
Fogarty held up the bill and Philo Gubb took it.
“Contingent expenses are always numerously present in deteckative operations,” he said.
“Right ye ar-re!” said Fogarty. “An’ ye’ll remimber, if anny wan asks ye, that I ixprissed me contrition for arristin’ Snooksy. Whist!” he said, putting his hand alongside his mouth and whispering: “Some wan wanted me t’ search th’ house here t’ see did Snooksy have sivin bottles iv beer an’ a silver beer-opener in his room.”
Philo Gubb sat on the ladder and contemplated the five-dollar bill until he heard Fogarty returning.
“Hist!” Fogarty said. “I did not see him, mind ye!”
Fogarty slipped out of the back door and was gone, and Philo Gubb, after a thoughtful moment, decided that the five-dollar bill was rightfully his, and slipped it into his pocket. To earn it, however, he must get to work on the case. He raised the pasted strip of paper, but before he could place the loose end on the ceiling, some one tapped at the kitchen door.
“Come in!” he called, and the door opened.
“Slippery” Williams glided into the room. His crafty eyes sought Philo Gubb.
“‘Lo, Gubby! Watcha doin’ up there? Where’s Miss Turner?” he asked.
“Miss Turner is out on business, I presume,” said the Correspondence School detective coldly, “and I am pursuing my professional duties in the deteckating line.”
“Yar, hey?” said Slippery. “Who you detectin’ for now?”
“Snooks Turner,” said Philo Gubb. “I’m solving a case for him.”
Instantly Slippery’s manner changed. From rough he became smooth. From bold he became cringing.
“Why, I’m Snooksy’s friend,” he said. “You know me and Snooksy was always chums, don’t you, Gubby? Yes, sir, I think a lot of Snooksy. He says, ‘Slippery, you go up to my room and get me a bundle of clean clothes–these are all torn and dirty, and–‘ Well, I guess I’ll get ’em, and get back. Snooks is waitin’ for me.”
He turned to the hall, but Philo Gubb called him back.
“You can’t go up there,” said Philo Gubb, from his ladder-top. “There’s been enough folks up there already.”
“Who was up?” asked Slippery hastily.
“Policeman Fogarty was,” said Philo Gubb.
“What’d he find up there?” asked Slippery anxiously.
“Nothin’,” said Philo Gubb. “He told me he couldn’t find seven bottles of beer and a beer-opener.”
“Look here!” said Slippery sweetly. “If I gave you five dollars to hire you to hunt for them, could you find them seven bottles of beer and that beer-opener, for me? Straight detective work? Could you?”
“I could try to find them,” said Philo Gubb.
“Well, that’s all I want,” said Slippery. “I don’t want to do nothin’ with them. All I want to know is–where are they? Here’s five dollars.”
Philo Gubb took the money.
“All right,” said Slippery, “now, you find them. They’re upstairs in Mrs. Turner’s bed, between the quilt and the mattress. Go find them.”
“Not until Miss Turner comes home,” said Philo firmly. “It’s her house.”
“Why, you long-legged stork you!” said Slippery, “she knows I’m here for that beer. She sent me.”
“I thought you said Snooks sent you for his clothes,” said Philo.
“Never you mind who sent me for what!” said Slippery, angrily. “You’re a dandy detective, ain’t you? Sittin’ on top of a ladder, and not lettin’ a friend of Snooks help him out. Say, listen, Gubby! Everybody’s goin’ to get into worse trouble if I don’t get away with that beer. Understand? Come on! Let me take it away!”