FullReads

CAPT. G. Thank Goodness it isn’t. (Aside.) I expected a cyclone, but not an earthquake.

MRS. H. She can’t! Is there anything that I wouldn’t do for you–or haven’t done? And to think that I should take this trouble over you, knowing what you are! Do you despise me for it?

CAPT. G. (Wiping his mouth to hide a smile.) Again? It’s entirely a work of charity on your part.

MRS. H. Ahhh! But I have no right to resent it.–Is she better-looking than I? Who was it said–?

CAPT G. No–not that!

MRS. H. I’ll be more merciful than you were. Don’t you know that all women are alike?

CAPT. G. (Aside.) Then this is the exception that proves the rule.

MRS. H. All of them! I’ll tell you anything you like. I will, upon my word! They only want the admiration–from anybody–no matter who–anybody! But there is always one man that they care for more than any one else in the world, and would sacrifice all the others to. Oh, do listen! I’ve kept the Vaynor man trotting after me like a poodle, and he believes that he is the only man I am interested in. I’ll tell you what he said to me.

CAPT. G. Spare him. (Aside.) I wonder what his version is.

MRS. H. He’s been waiting for me to look at him all through dinner. Shall I do it, and you can see what an idiot he looks?

CAPT. G. ‘But what imports the nomination of this gentleman?’

MRS. H. Watch! (Sends a glance to the Vaynor man, who tries vainly to combine a mouthful of ice pudding, a smirk of self-satisfaction, a glare of intense devotion, and the stolidity of a British dining countenance.)

CAPT. G. (Critically.) He doesn’t look pretty. Why didn’t you wait till the spoon was out of his mouth?

MRS. H. To amuse you. She’ll make an exhibition of you as I’ve made of him; and people will laugh at you. Oh, Pip, can’t you see that? It’s as plain as the noonday sun. You’ll be trotted about and told lies, and made a fool of like the others. I never made a fool of you, did I?

CAPT. G. (Aside.) What a clever little woman it is!

MRS. H. Well, what have you to say?

CAPT. G. I feel better.

MRS. H. Yes, I suppose so, after I have come down to your level. I couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t cared for you so much. I have spoken the truth.

CAPT. G. It doesn’t alter the situation.

MRS. H. (Passionately.) Then she has said that she cares for you! Don’t believe her, Pip. It’s a lie–as bad as yours to me!

CAPT. G. Ssssteady! I’ve a notion that a friend of yours is looking at you.

MRS. H. He! I hate him. He introduced you to me.

CAPT. G. (Aside.) And some people would like women to assist in making the laws. Introduction to imply condonement. (Aloud.) Well, you see, if you can remember so far back as that, I couldn’t, in common politeness, refuse the offer.

MRS. H. In common politeness! We have got beyond that!

CAPT. G. (Aside.) Old ground means fresh trouble, (Aloud.) On my honour–

MRS. H. Your what? Ha, ha!

CAPT. G. Dishonour, then. She’s not what you imagine. I meant to–

MRS. H. Don’t tell me anything about her! She won’t care for you, and when you come back, after having made an exhibition of yourself, you’ll fine me occupied with–

CAPT. G. (Insolently.) You couldn’t while I am alive. (Aside.) If that doesn’t bring her pride to her rescue, nothing will.

MRS. H. (Drawing herself up). Couldn’t do it? I? (Softening.) You’re right. I don’t believe I could–though you are what you are–a coward and a liar in grain.

CAPT. G. It doesn’t hurt so much after your little lecture–with demonstrations.

MRS. H. One mass of vanity! Will nothing ever touch you in this life? There must be a Hereafter if it’s only for the benefit of—But you will have it all to yourself.