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The Safety Match
by
Dukovski took the candle in his hand and climbed up to the top tier of the sweating frame. There he saw a long human body lying motionless on a large feather bed. A slight snore came from the body.
“You are making fun of us, devil take it!” cried Dukovski. “That is not the murdered man! Some live fool is lying here. Here, whoever you are, the devil take you!”
The body drew in a quick breath and stirred. Dukovski stuck his elbow into it. It raised a hand, stretched itself, and lifted its head.
“Who is sneaking in here?” asked a hoarse, heavy bass. “What do you want?”
Dukovski raised the candle to the face of the unknown, and cried out. In the red nose, disheveled, unkempt hair, the pitch-black mustaches, one of which was jauntily twisted and pointed insolently toward the ceiling, he recognized the gallant cavalryman Klausoff.
“You–Marcus–Ivanovitch? Is it possible?”
The examining magistrate glanced sharply up at him, and stood spellbound.
“Yes, it is I. That’s you, Dukovski? What the devil do you want here? And who’s that other mug down there? Great snakes! It is the examining magistrate! What fate has brought him here?”
Klausoff rushed down and threw his arms round Chubikoff in a cordial embrace. Olga Petrovna slipped through the door.
“How did you come here? Let’s have a drink, devil take it! Tra- ta-ti-to-tum–let us drink! But who brought you here? How did you find out that I was here? But it doesn’t matter! Let’s have a drink!”
Klausoff lit the lamp and poured out three glasses of vodka.
“That is–I don’t understand you,” said the examining magistrate, running his hands over him. “Is this you or not you!”
“Oh, shut up! You want to preach me a sermon? Don’t trouble yourself! Young Dukovski, empty your glass! Friends, let us bring this–What are you looking at? Drink!”
“All the same, I do not understand!” said the examining magistrate, mechanically drinking off the vodka. “What are you here for?”
“Why shouldn’t I be here, if I am all right here?”
Klausoff drained his glass and took a bite of ham.
“I am in captivity here, as you see. In solitude, in a cavern, like a ghost or a bogey. Drink! She carried me off and locked me up, and–well, I am living here, in the deserted bath house, like a hermit. I am fed. Next week I think I’ll try to get out. I’m tired of it here!”
“Incomprehensible!” said Dukovski.
“What is incomprehensible about it?”
“Incomprehensible! For Heaven’s sake, how did your boot get into the garden?”
“What boot?”
“We found one boot in the sleeping room and the other in the garden.”
“And what do you want to know that for? It’s none of your business! Why don’t you drink, devil take you? If you wakened me, then drink with me! It is an interesting tale, brother, that of the boot! I didn’t want to go with Olga. I don’t like to be bossed. She came under the window and began to abuse me. She always was a termagant. You know what women are like, all of them. I was a bit drunk, so I took a boot and heaved it at her. Ha-ha- ha! Teach her not to scold another time! But it didn’t! Not a bit of it! She climbed in at the window, lit the lamp, and began to hammer poor tipsy me. She thrashed me, dragged me over here, and locked me in. She feeds me now–on love, vodka, and ham! But where are you off to, Chubikoff? Where are you going?”
The examining magistrate swore, and left the bath house. Dukovski followed him, crestfallen. They silently took their seats in the carriage and drove off. The road never seemed to them so long and disagreeable as it did that time. Both remained silent. Chubikoff trembled with rage all the way. Dukovski hid his nose in the collar of his overcoat, as if he was afraid that the darkness and the drizzling rain might read the shame in his face.
When they reached home, the examining magistrate found Dr. Tyutyeff awaiting him. The doctor was sitting at the table, and, sighing deeply, was turning over the pages of the Neva.
“Such goings-on there are in the world!” he said, meeting the examining magistrate with a sad smile. “Austria is at it again! And Gladstone also to some extent–“
Chubikoff threw his cap under the table, and shook himself.
“Devils’ skeletons! Don’t plague me! A thousand times I have told you not to bother me with your politics! This is no question of politics! And you,” said Chubikoff, turning to Dukovski and shaking his fist, “I won’t forget this in a thousand years!”
“But the safety match? How could I know?”
“Choke yourself with your safety match! Get out of my way! Don’t make me mad, or the devil only knows what I’ll do to you! Don’t let me see a trace of you!”
Dukovski sighed, took his hat, and went out.
“I’ll go and get drunk,” he decided, going through the door, and gloomily wending his way to the public house.