FullReads

III

Had I dropped a hand-grenade into the apartment the astonishment of its occupants would not have been excessive. My Lord’s face, as he clapped his hand to his sword, was neither tranquil nor altogether agreeable to contemplate; but as for Dorothy, she gave a frightened little cry, and ran toward the masked intruder with a piteous confidence which wrung my heart.

“The devil!” says my Lord.

“Not precisely,” I amended, and bowed in my best manner, “though ’tis undeniable I come to act as his representative.”

“Oh, joy to your success!” his Lordship sneered.

“Harkee, sir,” said I, “as you, with perfect justice, have stated, this is the devil’s stronghold, and hereabouts his will is paramount; and, as I have had the honor to add, the devil is a gentleman. Sure, and as such, he cannot be expected to countenance your present behavior? Nay, never fear! Lucifer, already up to the ears in the affairs of this mundane sphere, lacks leisure to express his disapproval in sulphuric person. He tenders his apologies, sir, and sends in his stead your servant, with whose capabilities he is indifferently acquainted.”

“To drop this mummery,” says Lord Humphrey, “what are you doing in my lodgings?”

“O Lord, sir!” I responded, “I came thither, I confess, without invitation. And with equal candor I will admit that my present need is of your Lordship’s banknotes and jewels, and such-like trifles, rather than–you force me, sir, to say it,–rather than of your company.”

Thus speaking, I drew and placed myself on guard, while my Lord gasped.

“You’re the most impudent rogue,” says he, after he had recovered himself a little, “that I have had the privilege of meeting–“

“Your Lordship is all kindness,” I protested.

“–but your impudence is worth the price of whatever you may have pilfered. Go, my good man–or devil, if you so prefer to style yourself! Tell Lucifer that he is well served; and obligingly return to the infernal regions without delay. For, as you have doubtless learned, Miss and I have many private matters to discuss. And, gad, Mr. Moloch, [Footnote: A deity of, I believe, Ammonitish origin. His traditional character as represented by our immortal Milton is both taking to the fancy and finely romantic; and is, I am informed, no less remarkable for many happy turns of speech than for conformity throughout to the most famous legends of Talmudic fabrication.–F.A.] pleasant as is your conversation, you must acknowledge I can’t allow evil spirits about the house without getting it an ill reputation. So pardon me if I exorcise you with this.”

He spoke boldly, and, as he ended, tossed me a purse. I let it lie where it fell, for I had by no means ended my argument.

“Yet, sir,” said I, “my errand, which began with the acquisition of your pins, studs and other jewelry, now reaches toward treasure far more precious–“

“Enough!” he cried, impatiently, “Begone! and do you render thanks–that my present business is so urgent as to prevent my furnishing the rope which will one day adorn your neck.”

“That’s as may be,” quoth I; “and, indeed, I doubt if I could abide drowning, for ’tis a damp, unwholesome, and very permanent sort of death. But my fixed purpose, to cut short all debate, is to escort Miss Allonby homeward.”

“Come,” sneers my Lord,–“come, Mr. Moloch, I have borne with your insolence for a quarter of an hour–“

“Twenty minutes,” said I, after consulting my watch.

“–but I mean to put up with it no longer; and in consequence I take the boorish liberty of suggesting that this is none of your affair.”

“Good sir,” I conceded, “your Lordship speaks with considerable justice, and we must leave the final decision to Miss here.”

I bowed toward her. In her face there was a curious bewilderment that made me fear lest, for all my mask, for all my unnatural intonations, and for all the room’s half-light, my worshipped mistress had come near to recognizing this caught thief.