PAGE 23
The Return Of The Soul
by
“I have nothing to forgive,” I said in a broken, husky voice.
“You have much,” she answered firmly. “But do not–pray do not bear malice.”
“There is no malice in my heart–now,” I said; and the words seemed like a cowardly plea for mercy to the victim of the past.
She lifted one of her soft white hands to my breast.
“Then it shall all be as it was before? And to-night you will come back to me?”
I hesitated, looking down. But how could I refuse? What excuse could I make for denying the request? Then I repeated mechanically:
“To-night I will come back to you.”
A terrible, slight smile travelled over her face. She turned and left me.
I sat down immediately. I felt too unnerved to remain standing. I was giving way utterly to an imaginative horror that seemed to threaten my reason. In vain I tried to pull myself together. My body was in a cold sweat. All mastery of my nerves seemed gone.
I do not know how long I remained there, but I was aroused by the entrance of the butler. He glanced towards me in some obvious surprise, and this astonishment of a servant acted upon me almost like a scourge. I sprang up hastily.
“Tell the groom to saddle the mare,” I said. “I am going for a ride immediately.”
Air, action, were what I needed to drive this stupor away. I must get away from this house of tears. I must be alone. I must wrestle with myself, regain my courage, kill the coward in me.
I threw myself upon the mare, and rode out at a gallop towards the moors of Eskdale along the lonely country roads.
All day I rode, and all day I thought of that dark house, of that white creature awaiting my return, peering from the windows, perhaps, listening for my horse’s hoofs on the gravel, keeping still the long vigil of vengeance.
My imagination sickened, fainted, as my wearied horse stumbled along the shadowy roads. My terror was too great now to be physical. It was a terror purely of the spirit, and indescribable.
To sleep with that white thing that waited me! To lie in the dark by it! To know that it was there, close to me!
If it killed me, what matter? It was to live and to be near it, with it, that appalled me.
The lights of the house gleamed out through the trees. I heard the sound of the river.
I got off my horse and walked furtively into the hall, looking round me.
Margot glided up to me immediately, and took my whip and hat from me with her soft, velvety white hands. I shivered at her touch.
At dinner her blue eyes watched me.
I could not eat, but I drank more wine than usual.
When I turned to go down to the smoking-room, she said: “Don’t be very long, Ronald.”
I muttered I scarcely know what words in reply. It was close on midnight before I went to bed. When I entered her room, shielding the light of the candle with my hand, she was still awake.
Nestling against the pillows, she stretched herself curiously and smiled up at me.
“I thought you were never coming, dear,” she said.
I knew that I was very pale, but she did not remark it. I got into bed, but left the candle still burning.
Presently she said:
“Why don’t you put the candle out?”
I looked at her furtively. Her face seemed to me carved in stone, it was so rigid, so expressionless. She lay away from me at the extreme edge of the bed, sideways, with her hands toward me.
“Why don’t you?” she repeated, with her blue eyes on me.
“I don’t feel sleepy,” I answered slowly.
“You never will while there is a light in the room,” she said.
“You wish me to put it out?”
“Yes. How odd you are to-night, Ronald! Is anything the matter?”
“No,” I answered; and I blew the light out.
How ghastly the darkness was!