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The Redemption of John Churchill
by
But first he must see little Joey, who must be quite a big boy now, nearly ten years old. He would go home and see him just once, even although he dreaded meeting aversion in the child’s eyes. Then, when he had bade him good-bye, and, with him, good-bye to all that remained to make for good in his desolated existence, he would go out of his life forever.
“I’ll go straight to the devil then,” he said sullenly. “That’s where I belong, a jail-bird at whom everybody except other jail-birds looks askance. To think what I was once, and what I am now! It’s enough to drive a man mad! As for repenting, bah! Who’d believe that I really repented, who’d give me a second chance on the faith of it? Not a soul. Repentance won’t blot out the past. It won’t give me back my wife whom I loved above everything on earth and whose heart I broke. It won’t restore me my unstained name and my right to a place among honourable men. There’s no chance for a man who has fallen as low as I have. If Emily were living, I could struggle for her sake. But who’d be fool enough to attempt such a fight with no motive and not one chance of success in a hundred. Not I. I’m down and I’ll stay down. There’s no climbing up again.”
He celebrated his first day of freedom by getting drunk, although he had never before been an intemperate man. Then, when the effects of the debauch wore off, he took the train for Alliston; he would go home and see little Joey once.
Nobody at the station where he alighted recognized him or paid any attention to him. He was as a dead man who had come back to life to find himself effaced from recollection and his place knowing him no more. It was three miles from the station to where his sister lived, and he resolved to walk the distance. Now that the critical moment drew near, he shrank from it and wished to put it off as long as he could.
When he reached his sister’s home he halted on the road and surveyed the place over its snug respectability of iron fence. His courage failed him at the thought of walking over that trim lawn and knocking at that closed front door. He would slip around by the back way; perhaps, who knew, he might come upon Joey without running the gauntlet of his sister’s cold, offended eyes. If he might only find the boy and talk to him for a little while without betraying his identity, meet his son’s clear gaze without the danger of finding scorn or fear in it–his heart beat high at the thought.
He walked furtively up the back way between high, screening hedges of spruce. When he came to the gate of the yard, he paused. He heard voices just beyond the thick hedge, children’s voices, and he crept as near as he could to the sound and peered through the hedge, with a choking sensation in his throat and a smart in his eyes. Was that Joey, could that be his little son? Yes, it was; he would have known him anywhere by his likeness to Emily. Their boy had her curly brown hair, her sensitive mouth, above all, her clear-gazing, truthful grey eyes, eyes in which there was never a shadow of falsehood or faltering.
Joey Churchill was sitting on a stone bench in his aunt’s kitchen yard, holding one of his black-stockinged knees between his small, brown hands. Jimmy Morris was standing opposite to him, his back braced against the trunk of a big, pink-blossomed apple tree, his hands in his pockets, and a scowl on his freckled face. Jimmy lived next door to Joey and as a rule they were very good friends, but this afternoon they had quarrelled over the right and proper way to construct an Indian ambush in the fir grove behind the pig-house. The argument was long and warm and finally culminated in personalities. Just as John Churchill dropped on one knee behind the hedge, the better to see Joey’s face, Jimmy Morris said scornfully: