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The Pretext
by
It was not–and Margaret had not, even in her own thoughts, to defend herself from the imputation–it was not what Wentworth would have called the “material side” of her friend’s situation that captivated her. She was austerely proof against such appeals: her enthusiasms were all of the imaginative order. What subjugated her was the unexampled prodigality with which he poured for her the same draught of tradition of which Wentworth held out its little teacupful. He besieged her with a million Wentworths in one–saying, as it were: “All these are mine for the asking–and I choose you instead!”
For this, she told herself somewhat dizzily, was what it came to–the summing-up toward which her conscientious efforts at self-collection had been gradually pushing her: with all this in reach, Guy Dawnish was leaving Wentworth reluctantly.
“I was a bit lonely here at first–but now!” And again: “It will be jolly, of course, to see them all again–but there are some things one doesn’t easily give up. . . .”
If he had known only Wentworth, it would have been wonderful enough that he should have chosen her out of all Wentworth–but to have known that other life, and to set her in the balance against it–poor Margaret Ransom, in whom, at the moment, nothing seemed of weight but her years! Ah, it might well produce, in nerves and brain, and poor unpractised pulses, a flushed tumult of sensation, the rush of a great wave of life, under which memory struggled in vain to reassert itself, to particularize again just what his last words–the very last–had been. . . .
When consciousness emerged, quivering, from this retrospective assault, it pushed Margaret Ransom–feeling herself a mere leaf in the blast–toward the writing-table from which her innocent and voluminous correspondence habitually flowed. She had a letter to write now–much shorter but more difficult than any she had ever been called on to indite.
“Dear Mr. Dawnish,” she began, “since telephoning you just now I have decided not–“
Maria’s voice, at the door, announced that tea was in the library: “And I s’pose it’s the brown silk you’ll wear to the speaking?”
In the usual order of the Ransom existence, its mistress’s toilet was performed unassisted; and the mere enquiry–at once friendly and deferential–projected, for Margaret, a strong light on the importance of the occasion. That she should answer: “But I am not going,” when the going was so manifestly part of a household solemnity about which the thoughts below stairs fluttered in proud participation; that in face of such participation she should utter a word implying indifference or hesitation–nay, revealing herself the transposed, uprooted thing she had been on the verge of becoming; to do this was–well! infinitely harder than to perform the alternative act of tearing up the sheet of note-paper under her reluctant pen.
Yes, she said, she would wear the brown silk. . . .
III
ALL the heat and glare from the long illuminated table, about which the fumes of many courses still hung in a savoury fog, seemed to surge up to the ladies’ gallery, and concentrate themselves in the burning cheeks of a slender figure withdrawn behind the projection of a pillar.
It never occurred to Margaret Ransom that she was sitting in the shade. She supposed that the full light of the chandeliers was beating on her face–and there were moments when it seemed as though all the heads about the great horse-shoe below, bald, shaggy, sleek, close-thatched, or thinly latticed, were equipped with an additional pair of eyes, set at an angle which enabled them to rake her face as relentlessly as the electric burners.
In the lull after a speech, the gallery was fluttering with the rustle of programmes consulted, and Mrs. Sheff (the Brant girl’s aunt) leaned forward to say enthusiastically: “And now we’re to hear Mr. Ransom!”
A louder buzz rose from the table, and the heads (without relaxing their upward vigilance) seemed to merge, and flow together, like an attentive flood, toward the upper end of the horse-shoe, where all the threads of Margaret Ransom’s consciousness were suddenly drawn into what seemed a small speck, no more–a black speck that rose, hung in air, dissolved into gyrating gestures, became distended, enormous, preponderant–became her husband “speaking.”