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The Office Seeker
by
In the face of this mystery I was surprised at finding a note from him one day, inviting me to dine with him at a certain famous restaurant. I had scarce got over my amazement, when the writer himself overtook me at my hotel. For a moment I scarcely recognized him. A new suit of fashionably-cut clothes had changed him, without, however, entirely concealing his rustic angularity of figure and outline. He even affected a fashionable dilettante air, but so mildly and so innocently that it was not offensive.
“You see,” he began, explanatory-wise, “I’ve just found out the way to do it. None of these big fellows, these cabinet officers, know me except as an applicant. Now, the way to do this thing is to meet ’em fust sociably; wine ’em and dine ’em. Why, sir,”–he dropped into the schoolmaster again here,–“I had two cabinet ministers, two judges, and a general at my table last night.”
“On YOUR invitation?”
“Dear, no! all I did was to pay for it. Tom Soufflet gave the dinner and invited the people. Everybody knows Tom. You see, a friend of mine put me up to it, and said that Soufflet had fixed up no end of appointments and jobs in that way. You see, when these gentlemen get sociable over their wine, he says carelessly, ‘By the way, there’s So-and-so–a good fellow–wants something; give it to him.’ And the first thing you know, or they know, he gets a promise from them. They get a dinner–and a good one–and he gets an appointment.”
“But where did you get the money?”
“Oh,”–he hesitated,–“I wrote home, and Fanny’s father raised fifteen hundred dollars some way, and sent it to me. I put it down to political expenses.” He laughed a weak, foolish laugh here, and added, “As the old man don’t drink nor smoke, he’d lift his eyebrows to know how the money goes. But I’ll make it all right when the office comes–and she’s coming, sure pop.”
His slang fitted as poorly on him as his clothes, and his familiarity was worse than his former awkward shyness. But I could not help asking him what had been the result of this expenditure.
“Nothing just yet. But the Secretary of Tape and the man at the head of the Inferior Department, both spoke to me, and one of them said he thought he’d heard my name before. He might,” he added, with a forced laugh, “for I’ve written him fifteen letters.”
Three months passed. A heavy snow-storm stayed my chariot wheels on a Western railroad, ten miles from a nervous lecture committee and a waiting audience; there was nothing to do but to make the attempt to reach them in a sleigh. But the way was long and the drifts deep, and when at last four miles out we reached a little village, the driver declared his cattle could hold out no longer, and we must stop there. Bribes and threats were equally of no avail. I had to accept the fact.
“What place is this?”
“Remus.”
“Remus, Remus,” where had I heard that name before? But while I was reflecting he drove up before the door of the tavern. It was a dismal, sleep-forbidding place, and only nine o’clock, and here was the long winter’s night before me. Failing to get the landlord to give me a team to go further, I resigned myself to my fate and a cigar, behind the red-hot stove. In a few moments one of the loungers approached me, calling me by name, and in a rough but hearty fashion condoled with me for my mishap, advised me to stay at Remus all night, and added: “The quarters ain’t the best in the world yer at this hotel. But thar’s an old man yer–the preacher that was–that for twenty years hez taken in such fellers as you and lodged ’em free gratis for nothing, and hez been proud to do it. The old man used to be rich; he ain’t so now; sold his big house on the cross roads, and lives in a little cottage with his darter right over yan. But ye couldn’t do him a better turn than to go over thar and stay, and if he thought I’d let ye go out o’ Remus without axing ye, he’d give me h-ll. Stop, I’ll go with ye.”