FullReads

“And now who will tell us of what the peanut is composed. Let us have quick responses now. Time is fleeting! Of what is the peanut composed? ‘The hull and the goody,’ some one answers. Yes, ‘the hull and the goody’ in vulgar parlance, but how much better it would be to say simply, the shell and the kernel. Would not that sound better? Yes, I thought you would agree with me there!

“And now who will tell me the color of the peanut! And be careful now! for I shouldn’t like to hear you make the very stupid blunder I once heard a little boy make in reply to the same question. Would you like to hear what color the stupid little boy said the peanut was? You would, eh? Well, now, how many of you would like to hear what color the stupid little boy said the peanut was? Come now, let’s have an expression. All who would like to hear what color the stupid little boy said the peanut was, may hold up their right hands. Very good, very good–there, that will do.

“Well, it was during a professional visit I was once called upon to make to a neighboring city, where I was invited to address the children of a free school–Hands down, now, little boy–founded for the exclusive benefit of the little newsboys and bootblacks, who, it seems, had not the means to defray the expenses of the commonest educational accessories, and during an object lessen–identical with the one before us now–for it is a favorite one of mine–I propounded the question, what is the color of the peanut? Many answers were given in response, but none as sufficiently succinct and apropos as I deemed the facts demanded; and so at last I personally addressed a ragged, but, as I then thought, a bright-eyed little fellow, when judge of my surprise, in reply to my question what is the color of the peanut, the little fellow, without the slightest gleam of intelligence lighting up his face, answered, that ‘if not scorched in roasting, the peanut was a blond.’ Why, I was almost tempted to join in the general merriment his inapposite reply elicited. But I occupy your attention with trivial things; and as I notice the time allotted to me has slipped away, we will drop the peanut for the present. Trusting the few facts gleaned from a topic so homely and unpromising will sink deep in your minds, in time to bloom and blossom in the fields of future usefulness–I–I—-I thank you.”