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The Mortuary Chest
by
“I dunno’,” said Mrs. Page, with her unctuous laugh. “Remember the party over to Tiverton t’other night, an’ them tarts? You see, Rosanna Maria Pike asked us all over; an’ you know how flaky her pie-crust is. Well, the minister was stan’in’ side of Isabel when the tarts was passed. He was sort o’ shinin’ up to her that night, an’ I guess he felt a mite twittery; so when the tarts come to him, he reached out kind o’ delicate, with his little finger straight out, an’ tried to take one. An’ a ring o’ crust come off on his finger. Then he tried it ag’in, an’ got another ring. Everybody’d ha’ laughed, if it hadn’t been the minister; but Isabel she tickled right out, an’ says, ‘You don’t take jelly, do you, Mr. Bond?’ An’ he turned as red as fire, an’ says, ‘No, I thank you.'”
“She wouldn’t ha’ said it, if she hadn’t ha’ been so nervous,” remarked Miss Sally, taking a little parcel of peppermints from her pocket, and proceeding to divide them.
“No, I don’t s’pose she would,” owned Mrs. Page reflectively. “But if what they say is true, she’s been pretty sassy to him, fust an’ last. Why, you know, no matter how the parson begins his prayer, he’s sure to end up on one line: ‘Lord, we thank Thee we have not been left to live by the dim light of natur’.’ ‘Lisha Cole, when he come home from Illinois, walked over here to meetin’, to surprise some o’ the folks. He waited in the entry to ketch ’em comin’ out, an’ the fust word he heard was, ‘Lord, we thank Thee we have not been left to live by the dim light of natur’.’ ‘Lisha said he’d had time to be shipwrecked (you know he went to California fust an’ made the v’yage), an’ be married twice, an’ lay by enough to keep him, and come home poor; but when he heard that, he felt as if the world hadn’t moved sence he started.”
Sally Ware dropped her mitten, to avoid listening and the necessity of reply; it was too evident that the conversational tone was becoming profane. But Mrs. Page’s eyes were gleaming with pure dramatic joy, and she continued:–
“Well, a fortnight or so ago he went over to see Isabel, an’ Sadie an’ her husband happened to be there. They were all settin’ purrin’ in the dark, because they’d forgot to send for any kerosene. ‘No light?’ says he, hittin’ his head ag’inst the chimbly-piece goin’ in,–‘no light?’ ‘No,’ says Isabel, ‘none but the dim light of natur’.'”
There was a chime of delighted laughter in many keys. The company felt the ease of unrestricted speech. They wished the nooning might be indefinitely prolonged.
“Sometimes I think she sets out to make him believe she’s wuss ‘n she is,” remarked Mrs. Cole. “Remember how she carried on, last Sabbath?”
“I guess so!” returned Mrs. Page. “You see, Tilly, he’s kind o’ pushin’ her for’ard to make her seem more suitable,–he’d like to have her as old as the hills!–an’ nothin’ would do but she must go into the Bible class. Ain’t a member that’s under fifty, but there that little young thing sets, cheeks red as a beet, an’ the elder asks her questions, when he gits to her, as if he was coverin’ on her over with cotton wool. Well, last Sabbath old Deacon Pitts–le’s see, there ain’t any o’ his folks present, be they?–well, he was late, an’ he hadn’t looked at his lesson besides. ‘T was the fust chapter in Ruth, where it begins, ‘In the days when the judges ruled.’ You recollect Naomi told the two darters they’d got to set sail, an’ then the Bible says, ‘they lifted up their voice an’ wept.’ ‘Who wept?’ says the parson to Deacon Pitts, afore he’d got fairly se’down. The deacon he opened his Bible, an’ whirled over the leaves. ‘Who wept, Brother Pitts?’ says the parson over ag’in. Somebody found the deacon the place, an’ p’inted. He was growin’ redder an’ redder, an’ his spe’tacles kep’ slippin’ down, but he did manage to see; the chapter begun suthin’ about the judges. Well, by that time parson spoke out sort o’ sharp. ‘Brother Pitts,’ says he, ‘who wept?’ The deacon see’t he’d got to put some kind of a face on’t, an’ he looked up an’ spoke out, as bold as brass. ‘I conclude,’ says he,–‘I conclude ‘t was the judges!'”