FullReads

“You won’t get no comfort out of calling,” said the Squire: “but let it be as you please.”

So off they set: and as Kitty and her daughters were tying their bonnet-strings for churchgoing–blue and gold every one of them (these being the Tory colours), and only Lally thinking to herself that scarlet and orange might, maybe, suit her complexion better–there came a knock at the door, and squinting over her blind Kitty caught sight of Lord William and the Major, with the old Squire behind them, that had never crossed her doorstep in his life.

She wasn’t going to lower her colours, of course. But down she went in her blue and gold, opened the door, and curtseyed. (Oh! the pink of manners!) “No inconvenience at all,” she said, and if ever a cordial was needed it would be before sitting out one of old Parson Palsy’s forty-year-old sermons. So out came the famous White Ale, with the long-stemmed glasses proper to drink it from, and a dish of ratafias to corroborate the stomach. And behold, all was bowing and compliments and enmity forgot, till Lord William happened to say–

“Strong stuff, Squire–eh? The Major should look to his head with it, after his morning tankard: but for coffee-drinkers like you and me I reckon there’s no danger.”

Kitty gave a little gasp, all to herself. “Do you take coffee with your breakfast, my Lord?” she asked–and declared to her last day it seemed like another person speaking, her voice sounded so faint and unnatural.

“Ha-bitually,” says Lord William, and begins discoursing on the coffee-bean, and how it cleared the brain.

Kitty couldn’t look at him steady, but was forced to glance away and out of window. The tears and the fun were rising together within her like a spring tide. Lord William thought that her mind was running on the clock, and she wished to be rid of them. So the bowing and compliments began again, and inside of ten minutes the visitors had made their congees and were out in the street. The door was scarcely shut upon them when Kitty sank down all of a heap in her armchair and began to rock herself to and fro.

“Oh, oh, oh!” she began; and her daughters truly thought at first ’twas hysterics. “I’ll give it forty minutes,” she said. “Maria, if ’twasn’t so near upon church-time, I’d ask you to loosen my stays. White Ale upon coffee! Oh, oh, oh!” And with that she started up. “Forty minutes! What it’ll do in forty minutes no earthly power can tell. But get ready, girls, and follow close till I’m safe in church.”

So forth she sailed, and her eight daughters behind her, down the street, in by the churchyard gate, and up through the crowd to the porch with her face set like the calm of Doomsday.

IV.

Well, the congregation settled itself, and service began, and not a sign– as why should there be?–of any feelings but holy devotion. The Whigs looked at their books, and the Tories looked at their books; and poor old Curate Grandison lost his place and his spectacles, and poor old Parson Polsue dropped asleep in the First Lesson. He’d neglected two parishes to come and preach the sermon: for Ardevora, you must know, was one of three livings he held besides a canonry, and he kept Grandison to serve the three, that being all he could afford after paying for his carriage-and-pair and postillions to carry him back and forth between us and Penzance, where he lodged for the sake of his asthma and the little card-parties for which Penzance was famous in those days. But not even an Election Sunday could keep him properly awake. So on went the old comedy, as by law established; the congregation, Whig and Tory, not able to hear one word in ten, but taking their cues from Tommy Size, the parish clerk.