FullReads

And he did. He sat down facing Mike Halloran across the table, and read him a lecture that should have made any boy of Mike’s size thoroughly ashamed of himself; and might have gone on admonishing for an hour had not Mrs Salt knocked again at the door.

‘If you please,’ announced Mrs Salt, ‘here’s the Widow Barnicutt from the Quay to see you, along with her red-headed ‘Dolphus.’

‘Which,’ said the Widow Barnicutt, panting in at her heels and bobbing a curtsey, ‘it’s sorry I am to be disturbin’ your Worship, and I wouldn’t do it if his poor father was alive and could give ’em the strap for his good. But the child bein’ that out of hand that all my threats do seem but to harden him, and five shillin’ a week’s wage to an unprovided woman; and I hope your Worship will excuse the noise I make with my breathin’, which is the assma, and brought on by fightin’ my way through the other women.’

Mr Pinsent gasped, and put up a hand to his brow.

‘The other women?’ he echoed. ‘What other women?’

‘The passage is full of ’em,’ said Mrs Salt, much as though she were reporting that the house was on fire.

‘Ay,’ said the widow, ‘but my ‘Dolphus is the guilty one–I got his word for it.’

‘There’s Maria Bunny,’ persisted Mrs Salt, beginning to tick off the list on her fingers, ‘Maria Bunny with her Wesley John, and Mary Polly Polwarne with her Nine Days’ Wonder, and Amelia Trownce with the twins, and Deb Hicks with the child she christened Nonesuch, thinkin’ ’twas out of the Bible; and William Spargo’s second wife Maria with her step-child, and Catherine Nance with her splay-footed boy that I can never remember the name of–‘

‘Oh! send ’em away!’ bawled Mr Pinsent. ‘Send ’em away before their husbands come home from work and raise a riot!’ Then he recollected himself. ‘No, fetch ’em all in here, from the street,’ said he, dropping into a chair and taking his head in both hands. ‘Fetch ’em all in, and let me deal with ’em!’

The town, when it laughed over the story next day, found the cream of the joke in this–Bester Pinsent, in promising Mrs Halloran that her boy should but share punishment with the rest, had forgotten in his agitation of mind to stipulate that the reward should also be divided. As it was, he had paid her the full five shillings, and the rest of the women (there were twenty-four) would be content with nothing less.

But it was really little Mr Lupus, the schoolmaster, that–all unconsciously–had the last word. Trotting past Butcher Trengrove’s shop next morning, on his way to open school, Mr Lupus caught sight of his Worship standing within the doorway, halted, and came across the street with a nervous flush on his face.

‘Mr Mayor, sir, if I may have a word with you? Begging your pardon, sir, but it lies on my conscience–all night, sir, it has been troubling me–that I boasted to you yesterday of my boys’ good attendance. Indeed, sir, it has been good in the past. But yesterday afternoon! Oh, sir, I fear that you were right, after all, and something serious is amiss with the boys of this town!’

I regret that I cannot report here the precise words of Mr Pinsent’s reply.