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PAGE 4

The Luftmensch
by [?]

Barstein was touched. ‘I think you will need a larger table for the reading-room,’ he said.

The tall figure shook its tall hat. ‘It is only gas that I need for my operations.’

‘Gas!’ repeated Barstein, astonished. ‘Then you propose to continue your dentistry too.’

‘It is for the restaurant I need the gas,’ elucidated Nehemiah. ‘Unless there shall be a cheerful shining here the young men will not come. But the penny gas is all I need.’

‘Well, if it costs only a penny—-‘ began Barstein.

‘A penny in the slot,’ corrected Nehemiah. ‘But then there is the meter and the cost of the burners.’ He calculated that four pounds would convert the room into a salon of light that would attract all the homeless moths of the neighbourhood.

So this was the four-pound solution, Barstein reflected with his first sense of solid foothold. After all Nehemiah had sustained his surprise visit fairly well–he was obviously no Croesus–and if four pounds would not only save this swarming family but radiate cheer to the whole neighbourhood–

He sprung open the sovereign-purse that hung on his watch-chain. It contained only three pounds ten. He rummaged his pockets for silver, finding only eight shillings.

‘I’m afraid I haven’t quite got it!’ he murmured.

‘As if I couldn’t trust you!’ cried Nehemiah reproachfully, and as he lifted his long coat-tails to trouser-pocket the money, Barstein saw that he had no waistcoat.

II

About six months later, when Barstein had utterly forgotten the episode, he received another letter whose phraseology instantly recalled everything.


‘To the most Honourable Competent Authentical Illustrious Authority and Universal Celebrious Dignity of the very Famous Sculptor.

‘3A, THE MINORIES, E.

‘DEAR SIR,

‘I have the honour and pleasure now to render the real and sincere gratitude of my very much obliged thanks for Your grand gracious clement sympathical propitious merciful liberal compassionable cordial nobility of your real humane generous benevolent genuine very kind magnanimous philanthropy, which afforded to me a great redemption of my very lamentable desperate necessitous need, wherein I am at present very poor indeed in my total ruination by the cruel cynical Russia, therein is every day a daily tyrannous massacre and assassinate, here is nothing to do any more for me previously, I shall rather go to Bursia than to Russia. I received from Your dear kind amiable amicable goodness recently L4 the same was for me a momental recreateing aid in my actual very indigent paltry miserable calamitous situation wherein I gain now nothing and I only perish here. Even I cannot earn here my daily bread by my perfect scientifick Knowledge of diverse languages, I know the philological neology and archaiology, the best way is for me to go to another country to wit, to Bursia or Turkey. Thus, I solicit and supplicate Your charitable generosity by my very humble and instant request to make me go away from here as soon as possible according to Your humane kind merciful clemency.

‘Your obedient Servant respectfully,
‘NEHEMIAH SILVERMANN,
‘Dentist and Professor of Languages.’

So an Academy of Languages had evolved from the gas, not a restaurant. Anyhow the dictionary was in distress again. Emigration appeared now the only salvation.

But where in the world was Bursia? Possibly Persia was meant. But why Persia? Wherein lay the attraction of that exotic land, and whatever would Mrs. Silvermann and her overflowing progeny do in Persia? Nehemiah’s original suggestion of Jerusalem had been much more intelligible. Perhaps it persisted still under the head of Turkey. Not least characteristic Barstein found Nehemiah’s tenacious gloating over his ancient ruin at the hands of Russia.

For some days the sculptor went about weighed down by Nehemiah’s misfortunes, and the necessity of finding time to journey to the Minories. But he had an absorbing piece of work, and before he could tear himself away from it a still more urgent shower of words fell upon him.


‘3A, THE MINORIES, E.