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“Yes,” said Judkins, in a horrified tone, turning away to conceal the real zest and enjoyment his face must have betrayed; “yes, and some day you’ll come home p’izened, er somepin’! And I want to say right here, my young man, ef ever you do, and it don’t kill you, I’ll lint you within an inch of your life!” And as the eccentric Mr. Judkins whirled around the corner of the porch he heard the boy murmur in his low, absent-minded way, “Yes, you will!”

MR. JUDKINS’ REMARKS

Judkins stopped us in front of the post-office yesterday to say that that boy of his was “the blamedest boy outside o’ the annals o’ history!” “Talk about this boy-naturalist out here at Indianapolis,” says Judkins,–“w’y, he ain’t nowhere to my boy! The little cuss don’t do nothin’ either only set around and look sleepy, and dern him, he gits off more dry things than you could print in your paper. Of late he’s been a-displayin’ a sort o’ weakness fer Nature, don’t you know; and he’s allus got a bottle o’ bugs in his pocket. He come home yesterday evening with a blame’ mud-turtle as big as an unabridged dictionary, and turned him over in the back yard and commenced biffin’ away at him with a hammer and a cold-chisel. ‘W’y, you’re a-killin’ the turtle,’ says I. ‘Kill nothin’!’ says he, ‘I’m thist a-takin’ the lid off so’s I can see his clock works.’ Hoomh!” says Judkins: “He’s a good one!–only,” he added, “I wouldn’t have the boy think so fer the world!”

JUDKINS’ BOY ON THE MUD-TURTLE

The mud-turtle is not a beast of pray, but he dearly loves catfish bait. If a mud-turtle gits your big toe in his mouth he will hang on till it thunders. Then he will spit it out like he was disgusted. The mud-turtle kin swim and keep his chin out of water ef he wants to but he don’t care ef he does sink. The turtle kin stay under water until his next birthday, an’ never crack a smile. He kin breathe like a grown person, but he don’t haf to, on’y when he is on dry land, an’ then I guess he thist does it to be soshibul. Allus when you see bubbles a-comin’ up in the swimmin’ hole, you kin bet your galluses they’s a mud-turtle a-layin’ down there, studyin’ up some cheap way to git his dinner. Mud-turtles never dies, on’y when they make soup out of ’em. They is seven kinds of meat in the turtle, but I’d ruther eat thist plain burnt liver.

ON FROGS

Frogs is the people’s friend, but they can’t fly. Onc’t they wuz tadpoles about as big as lickerish drops, an’ after while legs growed on ’em. Oh, let us love the frog–he looks so sorry. Frogs kin swim better’n little boys, and they don’t haf to hold their nose when they dive, neither. Onc’t I had a pet frog; an’ the cars run over him. It thist squshed him. Bet he never knowed what hurt him! Onc’t they wuz a rich lady swallered one–when he wuz little, you know; an’ he growed up in her, an’ it didn’t kill him ut all. An’ you could hear him holler in her bosom. It was a tree-toad; and so ever’ time he’d go p-r-r-r-r- w’y, nen the grand lady she’d know it was goin’ to rain, an’ make her little boy run an’ putt the tub under the spout. Wasn’t that a b’utiful frog?

ON PIRUTS

Piruts is reckless to a fault. They ain’t afeard of nobody ner nothin’. Ef ever you insult a pirut onc’t, he’ll foller you to the grave but what he will revenge his wrongs. Piruts all looks like pictures of “Buffalo Bill”–on’y they don’t shave off the whiskers that sticks out over the collar of their low-necked shirt. Ever’ day is a picknick fer the piruts of the high seas. They eat gunpowder an’ drink blood to make ’em savage, and then they kill people all day, an’ set up all night an’ tell ghost stories an’ sing songs such as mortal ear would quail to listen to. Piruts never comes on shore on’y when they run out of tobacker; an’ then it’s a cold day ef they don’t land at midnight, an’ disguize theirselves an’ slip up in town like a sleuth houn’, so’s the Grand Jury can’t git on to ’em. They don’t care fer the police any more than us people who dwells right in their midst. Piruts makes big wages an’ spends it like a king. “Come easy, go easy,” is the fatal watchword of them whose deeds is Deth. Onc’t they wuz a pirut turned out of the house an’ home by his cruel parents when he wuz but a kid, an’ so he always went by that name. He was thrust adrift without a nickel, an’ sailed fer distant shores to hide his shame fer those he loved. In the dead of night he stol’d a new suit of the captain’s clothes. An’ when he growed up big enough to fit ’em, he gaily dressed hissef and went up an’ paced the quarter-deck in deep thought. He had not fergot how the captain onc’t had lashed him to the jib-boom-poop an’ whipped him. That stung his proud spirit even then; an’ so the first thing he done was to slip up behind the cruel officer an’ push him over-board. Then the ship wuz his fer better er fer worse. An’ so he took command, an’ hung high upon the beetling mast the pirut flag. Then he took the Bible his old mother give him, an’ tied a darnic round it an’ sunk it in the sand with a mocking laugh. Then it wuz that he wuz ready fer the pirut’s wild seafaring life. He worked the business fer all they wuz in it fer many years, but wuz run in ut last. An’, standin’ on the gallus-tree, he sung a song which wuz all wrote off by hissef. An’ then they knocked the trap on him. An’ thus the brave man died and never made a kick. In life he wuz allus careful with his means, an’ saved up vast welth, which he dug holes and buried, an’ died with the secret locked in his bosom to this day.