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“They were for John Hourigan and Michael O’Connor and Paddy Kelly,” he cried almost in a scream.

“Michael O’Connor, John Hourigan and Paddy Kelly,” repeated the priest slowly, as he sat down again in his chair, groaning as he sat.

Then he placed his hands again on his temples and rubbed them slowly down over his face, as if he were erasing some picture from his memory. A phantom.

Cleary’s eyes now shone wildly. His body went rigid and he was ready to jump, he thought. His face twitched. But he felt a great relief. He had come to a decision. Nothing mattered to him now. He felt a great strength in his jaws, where they joined the muscles of his neck, and he didn’t have to blink his eyes, as he was in the habit of doing. His eyes remained wide open without effort, and the lids seemed to be very cold and rigid.

The priest’s attitude changed again. He began to lecture. Cleary thoughtlessly repeated the words of the lecture to himself after the priest, while his newly functioning mind planned other things.

“In the first place it’s against the rules to go into a shop. Secondly, it’s a grave sin to procure the means of sin for another soul. Thirdly, ’tis a…”

And his mind exulted, ravenously devouring all sorts of new ideas, let loose into the whole cosmos of things without restraint. Free now and cunning and deceitful, and securely hidden behind a thick wall of deceit, through which nothing could pierce. Free and alone, and hating everything. Free to found a new cosmos, to fashion a new order of thought and a new God. Through hatred to a new love. Through terrible suffering in loneliness to a new light. Through agony to a new peace.

The priest ceased. Then he said.

“Send Michael O’Connor in to me. I will speak to you later about your penance.”

Cleary bowed and left the room. He no longer feared entering the study. He went to the auxiliary desk and asked permission to speak to Michael O’Connor. He went to O’Connor and said: “Father Harty wants you.” He paid no heed to the threat that O’Connor uttered.

He went to his desk and covering his face with his hands he smiled.

In the morning he would run away, he thought.