FullReads

“Thank you very much.”

“Not at all.” I hate these awkward pauses. If my host or hostess doesn’t do anything to smooth them over, I always dash in. “It’s been delightful to have you,” I went on. “Are you sure you can’t stay till Wednesday?”

“I’m so sorry,” said Dahlia, “but you took me by surprise. I had simply no idea. Are you really going?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Are you really staying?” said Archie to me. “Help!”

“What about Peter?” asked Myra. “Isn’t he too young to be taken from his godfathers?”

“We’ve been talking that over,” said Simpson, “and I think it will be all right. We’ve mapped his future out very carefully and we shall unfold it to you when the coffee comes.”

“Thomas is doing it with peach-stones,” I said. “Have another, and make him a sailor, Thomas,” and I passed the plate.

“Sailor indeed,” said Dahlia. “He’s going to be a soldier.”

“It’s too late. Thomas has begun another one. Well, he’ll have to swallow the stone.”

“A trifle hard on the Admiralty,” said Archie. “It loses both Thomas and Peter at one gulp. My country, what of thee?”

However, when Thomas had peeled the peach, I cleverly solved the difficulty by taking it on to my plate while he was looking round for the sugar.

“No, no sugar, thanks,” I said, and waved it away.

With the coffee and cigars Simpson unfolded his scheme of education for Peter.

“In the first place,” he said, “it is important that even as a child he should always be addressed in rational English and not in that ridiculous baby-talk so common with young mothers.”

“Oh dear,” said Dahlia.

“My good Samuel,” I broke in, “this comes well from you. Why, only yesterday I heard you talking to him. I think you called him his nunkey’s ickle petsy wetsy lambkin.”

“You misunderstood me,” said Simpson quickly. “I was talking to you.”

“Oh!” I said, rather taken aback. “Well–well, I’m not.” I lit a cigar. “And I shall be annoyed if you call me so again.”

“At the age of four,” Simpson went on, “he shall receive his first lesson in cricket. Thomas will bowl to him—-“

“I suppose that means that Thomas will have to be asked down here again,” said Archie. “Bother! Still, it’s not for four years.”

“Thomas will bowl to him, Archie will keep wicket, and I shall field.”

“And where do I come in?” I asked.

“You come in after Peter. Unless you would rather have your lesson first.”

“That’s the second time I’ve been sat on,” I said to Myra, “Why is Simpson so unkind to me to-night?”

“I suppose he’s jealous because you’re staying on another week.”

“Probably; still, I don’t like it. Could you turn your back on him, do you think, to indicate our heavy displeasure?”

Myra moved her chair round and rested her elbow on the table.

“Go on, Samuel,” said Dahlia. “You’re lovely to-night. I suppose these are Thomas’s ideas as well as your own?”

“His signature is duly appended to them.”

“I didn’t read ’em all,” said Thomas.

“That’s very rash of you,” said Archie. “You don’t know what you mightn’t let yourself in for. You may have promised to pay the child threepence a week pocket-money.”

“No, there’s nothing like that,” said Simpson, to Archie’s evident disappointment. “Well, then, at the age of ten he goes to a preparatory school.”

“Has he learnt to read yet?” asked Dahlia. “I didn’t hear anything about it.”

“He can read at six. I forgot to say that I am giving him a book which I shall expect him to read aloud to Thomas and me on his sixth birthday.”

“Thomas has got another invitation,” said Archie. “Dash it!”

“At fourteen he goes to a public school. The final decision as to which public school he goes to will be left to you, but, of course, we shall expect to be consulted on the subject.”

“I’ll write and tell you what we decide on,” said Archie hastily; “there’ll be no need for you to come down and be told aloud.”