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The Grey Parrot
by
One moist eye coming mildly from behind the handkerchief saw the engineer stiffen suddenly in his chair.
“I don’t suppose there even is such a place,” she continued.
“I–b’leve–there–is,” said her husband jerkily. “I’ve heard–our chaps–talk of it.”
“But you haven’t been there?” said his wife anxiously.
“Never!” said the engineer with extraordinary vehemence.
“That wicked bird said that you got intoxicated there,” said Mrs. Gannett in solemn accents, “that you smashed a little marble-topped table and knocked down two waiters, and that if it hadn’t been for the captain of the Pursuit, who was in there and who got you away, you’d have been locked up. Wasn’t it a wicked bird?”
“Horrible!” said the engineer huskily.
“I don’t suppose there ever was a ship called the Pursuit,” continued Mrs. Gannett.
“Doesn’t sound like a ship’s name,” murmured Mr. Gannett.
“Well, then, a few days later it said the Curlew was at Naples.”
“I never went ashore all the time we were at Naples,” remarked the engineer casually.
“The parrot said you did,” said Mrs. Gannett.
“I suppose you’ll believe your own lawful husband before that damned bird?” shouted Gannett, starting up.
“Of course I didn’t believe it, Jem,” said his wife. “I’m trying to prove to you that the bird was not truthful, but you’re so hard to persuade.”
Mr. Gannett took a pipe from his pocket, and with a small knife dug with much severity and determination a hardened plug from the bowl, and blew noisily through the stem.
“There was a girl kept a fruit-stall just by the harbour,” said Mrs. Gannett, “and on this evening, on the strength of having bought three-pennyworth of green figs, you put your arm round her waist and tried to kiss her, and her sweetheart, who was standing close by, tried to stab you. The parrot said that you were in such a state of terror that you jumped into the harbour and were nearly drowned.”
Mr. Gannett having loaded his pipe lit it slowly and carefully, and with tidy precision got up and deposited the match in the fireplace.
“It used to frighten me so with its stories that I hardly knew what to do with myself,” continued Mrs. Gannett “When you were at Suez–“
The engineer waved his hand imperiously.
“That’s enough,” he said stiffly.
“I’m sure I don’t want to have to repeat what it told me about Suez,” said his wife. “I thought you’d like to hear it, that’s all.”
“Not at all,” said the engineer, puffing at his pipe. “Not at all.”
“But you see why I got rid of the bird, don’t you?” said Mrs. Gannett. “If it had told you untruths about me, you would have believed them, wouldn’t you?”
Mr. Gannett took his pipe from his mouth and took his wife in his extended arms. “No, my dear,” he said brokenly, “no more than you believe all this stuff about me.”
“And I did quite right to sell it, didn’t I, Jem?”
“Quite right,” said Mr. Gannett with a great assumption of heartiness. “Best thing to do with it.”
“You haven’t heard the worst yet,” said Mrs. Gannett. “When you were at Suez–“
Mr. Gannett consigned Suez to its only rival, and thumping the table with his clenched fist, forbade his wife to mention the word again, and desired her to prepare supper.
Not until he heard his wife moving about in the kitchen below did he relax the severity of his countenance. Then his expression changed to one of extreme anxiety, and he restlessly paced the room seeking for light. It came suddenly.
“Jenkins,” he gasped, “Jenkins and Mrs. Cluffins, and I was going to tell Cluffins about him writing to his wife. I expect he knows the letter by heart.”