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The fact is, to tell a little bit of a secret, there is nothing like the having two strings to your bow. “Who knows?” thought I. “Mary may die; and then where are my 10,000L.?” So I used to be very kind indeed to Miss Crutty; and well it was that I was so: for when I was twenty and Mary eighteen, I’m blest if news did not arrive that Captain Waters, who was coming home to England with all his money in rupees, had been taken–ship, rupees, self and all–by a French privateer; and Mary, instead of 10,000L. had only 5,000L., making a difference of no less than 350L. per annum betwixt her and Miss Crutty.

I had just joined my regiment (the famous North Bungay Fencibles, Colonel Craw commanding) when this news reached me; and you may fancy how a young man, in an expensive regiment and mess, having uniforms and what not to pay for, and a figure to cut in the world, felt at hearing such news! “My dearest Robert,” wrote Miss Waters, “will deplore my dear brother’s loss: but not, I am sure, the money which that kind and generous soul had promised me. I have still five thousand pounds, and with this and your own little fortune (I had 1,000L. in the Five per Cents!) we shall be as happy and contented as possible.”

Happy and contented indeed! Didn’t I know how my father got on with his 300L. a year, and how it was all he could do out of it to add a hundred a year to my narrow income, and live himself! My mind was made up. I instantly mounted the coach and flew to our village,–to Mr. Crutty’s, of course. It was next door to Doctor Bates’s; but I had no business THERE.

I found Magdalen in the garden. “Heavens, Mr. Stubbs!” said she, as in my new uniform I appeared before her, “I really did never–such a handsome officer–expect to see you.” And she made as if she would blush, and began to tremble violently. I led her to a garden-seat. I seized her hand–it was not withdrawn. I pressed it;–I thought the pressure was returned. I flung myself on my knees, and then I poured into her ear a little speech which I had made on the top of the coach. “Divine Miss Crutty,” said I; “idol of my soul! It was but to catch one glimpse of you that I passed through this garden. I never intended to breathe the secret passion” (oh, no; of course not) “which was wearing my life away. You know my unfortunate pre-engagement–it is broken, and FOR EVER! I am free;–free, but to be your slave,–your humblest, fondest, truest slave!” And so on. . . . .

“Oh, Mr. Stubbs,” said she, as I imprinted a kiss upon her cheek, “I can’t refuse you; but I fear you are a sad naughty man. . . . .”

Absorbed in the delicious reverie which was caused by the dear creature’s confusion, we were both silent for a while, and should have remained so for hours perhaps, so lost were we in happiness, had I not been suddenly roused by a voice exclaiming from behind us–

“DON’T CRY, MARY! HE IS A SWINDLING, SNEAKING SCOUNDREL, AND YOU ARE WELL RID OF HIM!”

I turned round. O heaven, there stood Mary, weeping on Doctor Bates’s arm, while that miserable apothecary was looking at me with the utmost scorn. The gardener, who had let me in, had told them of my arrival, and now stood grinning behind them. “Imperence!” was my Magdalen’s only exclamation, as she flounced by with the utmost self-possession, while I, glancing daggers at the SPIES, followed her. We retired to the parlor, where she repeated to me the strongest assurances of her love.

I thought I was a made man. Alas! I was only an APRIL FOOL!

MAY.–RESTORATION DAY.