PAGE 10
The Fatal Boots
by
As the month of May is considered, by poets and other philosophers, to be devoted by Nature to the great purpose of love-making, I may as well take advantage of that season and acquaint you with the result of MY amours.
Young, gay, fascinating, and an ensign–I had completely won the heart of my Magdalen; and as for Miss Waters and her nasty uncle the Doctor, there was a complete split between us, as you may fancy; Miss pretending, forsooth, that she was glad I had broken off the match, though she would have given her eyes, the little minx, to have had it on again. But this was out of the question. My father, who had all sorts of queer notions, said I had acted like a rascal in the business; my mother took my part, in course, and declared I acted rightly, as I always did: and I got leave of absence from the regiment in order to press my beloved Magdalen to marry me out of hand–knowing, from reading and experience, the extraordinary mutability of human affairs.
Besides, as the dear girl was seventeen years older than myself, and as bad in health as she was in temper, how was I to know that the grim king of terrors might not carry her off before she became mine? With the tenderest warmth, then, and most delicate ardor, I continued to press my suit. The happy day was fixed–the ever memorable 10th of May, 1792. The wedding-clothes were ordered; and, to make things secure, I penned a little paragraph for the county paper to this effect:–“Marriage in High Life. We understand that Ensign Stubbs, of the North Bungay Fencibles, and son of Thomas Stubbs, of Sloffemsquiggle, Esquire, is about to lead to the hymeneal altar the lovely and accomplished daughter of Solomon Crutty, Esquire, of the same place. A fortune of twenty thousand pounds is, we hear, the lady’s portion. ‘None but the brave deserve the fair.'”
*****
“Have you informed your relatives, my beloved?” said I to Magdalen, one day after sending the above notice; “will any of them attend at your marriage?”
“Uncle Sam will, I dare say,” said Miss Crutty, “dear mamma’s brother.”
“And who WAS your dear mamma?” said I: for Miss Crutty’s respected parent had been long since dead, and I never heard her name mentioned in the family.
Magdalen blushed, and cast down her eyes to the ground. “Mamma was a foreigner,” at last she said.
“And of what country?”
“A German. Papa married her when she was very young:–she was not of a very good family,” said Miss Crutty, hesitating.
“And what care I for family, my love!” said I, tenderly kissing the knuckles of the hand which I held. “She must have been an angel who gave birth to you.”
“She was a shoemaker’s daughter.”
“A GERMAN SHOEMAKER! Hang ’em,” thought I, “I have had enough of them;” and so broke up this conversation, which did not somehow please me.
*****
Well, the day was drawing near: the clothes were ordered; the banns were read. My dear mamma had built a cake about the size of a washing-tub; and I was only waiting for a week to pass to put me in possession of twelve thousand pounds in the FIVE per Cents, as they were in those days, heaven bless ’em! Little did I know the storm that was brewing, and the disappointment which was to fall upon a young man who really did his best to get a fortune.
*****
“Oh, Robert,” said my Magdalen to me, two days before the match was to come off, “I have SUCH a kind letter from uncle Sam in London. I wrote to him as you wished. He says that he is coming down to-morrow, that he has heard of you often, and knows your character very well; and that he has got a VERY HANDSOME PRESENT for us! What can it be, I wonder?”
“Is he rich, my soul’s adored?” says I.