FullReads

“The next day, Abel, who had resumed his researches after the True Food, came home to supper with a healthier color than I had before seen on his face.

“`Do you know,’ said he, looking shyly at Hollins, `that I begin to think Beer must be a natural beverage? There was an auction in the village to-day, as I passed through, and I stopped at a cake-stand to get a glass of water, as it was very hot. There was no water– only beer: so I thought I would try a glass, simply as an experiment. Really, the flavor was very agreeable. And it occurred to me, on the way home, that all the elements contained in beer are vegetable. Besides, fermentation is a natural process. I think the question has never been properly tested before.’

“`But the alcohol!’ exclaimed Hollins.

“`I could not distinguish any, either by taste or smell. I know that chemical analysis is said to show it; but may not the alcohol be created, somehow, during the analysis?’

“`Abel,’ said Hollins, in a fresh burst of candor, `you will never be a Reformer, until you possess some of the commonest elements of knowledge.’

“The rest of us were much diverted: it was a pleasant relief to our monotonous amiability.

“Abel, however, had a stubborn streak in his character. The next day he sent Perkins Brown to Bridgeport for a dozen bottles of `Beer.’ Perkins, either intentionally or by mistake, (I always suspected the former,) brought pint-bottles of Scotch ale, which he placed in the coolest part of the cellar. The evening happened to be exceedingly hot and sultry, and, as we were all fanning ourselves and talking languidly, Abel bethought him of his beer. In his thirst, he drank the contents of the first bottle, almost at a single draught.

“`The effect of beer,’ said he, `depends, I think, on the commixture of the nourishing principle of the grain with the cooling properties of the water. Perhaps, hereafter, a liquid food of the same character may be invented, which shall save us from mastication and all the diseases of the teeth.’

“Hollins and Shelldrake, at his invitation, divided a bottle between them, and he took a second. The potent beverage was not long in acting on a brain so unaccustomed to its influence. He grew unusually talkative and sentimental, in a few minutes.

“`Oh, sing, somebody!’ he sighed in a hoarse rapture: `the night was made for Song.’

“Miss Ringtop, nothing loath, immediately commenced, `When stars are in the quiet skies;’ but scarcely had she finished the first verse before Abel interrupted her.

“`Candor’s the order of the day, isn’t it?’ he asked.

“`Yes!’ `Yes!’ two or three answered.

“`Well then,’ said he, `candidly, Pauline, you’ve got the darn’dest squeaky voice’–

“Miss Ringtop gave a faint little scream of horror.

“`Oh, never mind!’ he continued. `We act according to impulse, don’t we? And I’ve the impulse to swear; and it’s right. Let Nature have her way. Listen! Damn, damn, damn, damn! I never knew it was so easy. Why, there’s a pleasure in it! Try it, Pauline! try it on me!’

“`Oh-ooh!’ was all Miss Ringtop could utter.

“`Abel! Abel!’ exclaimed Hollins, `the beer has got into your head.’

“`No, it isn’t Beer,–it’s Candor!’ said Abel. `It’s your own proposal, Hollins. Suppose it’s evil to swear: isn’t it better I should express it, and be done with it, than keep it bottled up to ferment in my mind? Oh, you’re a precious, consistent old humbug, you are!’

“And therewith he jumped off the stoop, and went dancing awkwardly down towards the water, singing in a most unmelodious voice, `’Tis home where’er the heart is.’

“`Oh, he may fall into the water!’ exclaimed Eunice, in alarm.

“`He’s not fool enough to do that,’ said Shelldrake. `His head is a little light, that’s all. The air will cool him down presently.’