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PAGE 4

The Comprehension Of Private Copper
by [?]

He clasped his hands together and leaned forward his out-thrust chin within two feet of Copper’s left, or pipe hand.

“Yuss,” said Copper, “it’s a fair knock-out.” The fist landed to a hair on the chin-point, the neck snicked like a gun-lock, and the back of the head crashed on the boulder behind.

Copper grabbed up both rifles, unshipped the cross-bandoliers, drew forth the English weekly, and picking up the lax hands, looked long and intently at the fingernails.

“No! Not a sign of it there,” he said. “‘Is nails are as clean as mine– but he talks just like ’em, though. And he’s a landlord too! A landed proprietor! Shockin’, I call it.”

The arms began to flap with returning consciousness. Private Copper rose up and whispered: “If you open your head, I’ll bash it.” There was no suggestion of sprain in the flung-back left boot. “Now walk in front of me, both arms perpendicularly elevated. I’m only a third-class shot, so, if you don’t object, I’ll rest the muzzle of my rifle lightly but firmly on your collar-button–coverin’ the serviceable vertebree. If your friends see us thus engaged, you pray–‘ard.”

Private and prisoner staggered downhill. No shots broke the peace of the afternoon, but once the young man checked and was sick.

“There’s a lot of things I could say to you,” Copper observed, at the close of the paroxysm, “but it doesn’t matter. Look ‘ere, you call me ‘pore Tommy’ again.”

The prisoner hesitated.

“Oh, I ain’t goin’ to do anythin’ to you. I’m recon-noiterin’ in my own. Say ‘pore Tommy’ ‘alf-a-dozen times.”

The prisoner obeyed.

That’s what’s been puzzlin’ me since I ‘ad the pleasure o’ meetin’ you,” said Copper. “You ain’t ‘alf-caste, but you talk chee-cheepukka bazar chee-chee. Proceed.”

“Hullo,” said the Sergeant of the picket, twenty minutes later, “where did you round him up?”

“On the top o’ yonder craggy mounting. There’s a mob of ’em sitting round their Bibles seventeen ‘undred yards (you said it was seventeen ‘undred?) t’other side–an’ I want some coffee.” He sat down on the smoke-blackened stones by the fire.

“‘Ow did you get ‘im?” said McBride, professional humorist, quietly filching the English weekly from under Copper’s armpit.

“On the chin–while ‘e was waggin’ it at me.”

“What is ‘e? ‘Nother Colonial rebel to be ‘orribly disenfranchised, or a Cape Minister, or only a loyal farmer with dynamite in both boots. Tell us all about it, Burjer!”

“You leave my prisoner alone,” said Private Copper. “‘E’s ‘ad losses an’ trouble; an’ it’s in the family too. ‘E thought I never read the papers, so ‘e kindly lent me his very own Jerrold’s Weekly–an’ ‘e explained it to me as patronisin’ as a–as a militia subaltern doin’ Railway Staff Officer. ‘E’s a left-over from Majuba–one of the worst kind, an’ ‘earin’ the evidence as I did, I don’t exactly blame ‘im. It was this way.”

To the picket Private Copper held forth for ten minutes on the life- history of his captive. Allowing for some purple patches, it was an absolute fair rendering.

“But what I dis-liked was this baccy-priggin’ beggar, ‘oo’s people, on ‘is own showin’, couldn’t ‘ave been more than thirty or forty years in the coun–on this Gawd-forsaken dust-‘eap, comin’ the squire over me. They’re all parsons–we know that, but parson an’ squire is a bit too thick for Alf Copper. Why, I caught ‘im in the shameful act of tryin’ to start a aristocracy on a gun an’ a wagon an’ a shambuk! Yes; that’s what it was: a bloomin’ aristocracy.”

“No, it weren’t,” said McBride, at length, on the dirt, above the purloined weekly. “You’re the aristocrat, Alf. Old Jerrold’s givin’ it you ‘ot. You’re the uneducated ‘ireling of a callous aristocracy which ‘as sold itself to the ‘Ebrew financier. Meantime, Ducky”–he ran his finger down a column of assorted paragraphs–“you’re slakin’ your brutal instincks in furious excesses. Shriekin’ women an’ desolated ‘omesteads is what you enjoy, Alf …, Halloa! What’s a smokin’ ‘ektacomb?”