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The Capitoline Venus
by
Chorus of Voices.–“Luck! It’s no name for it!”
Another Voice.–” Gentlemen, I propose that we immediately form an American joint-stock company for the purchase of lands and excavations of statues here, with proper connections in Wall Street to bull and bear the stock.”
All.–“Agreed.”
CHAPTER VI
[Scene–The Roman Capitol Ten Years Later.]
“Dearest Mary, this is the most celebrated statue in the world. This is the renowned ‘Capitoline Venus’ you’ve heard so much about. Here she is with her little blemishes ‘restored’ (that is, patched) by the most noted Roman artists–and the mere fact that they did the humble patching of so noble a creation will make their names illustrious while the world stands. How strange it seems this place! The day before I last stood here, ten happy years ago, I wasn’t a rich man bless your soul, I hadn’t a cent. And yet I had a good deal to do with making Rome mistress of this grandest work of ancient art the world contains.”
“The worshiped, the illustrious Capitoline Venus–and what a sum she is valued at! Ten millions of francs!”
“Yes–now she is.”
“And oh, Georgy, how divinely beautiful she is!”
“Ah, yes but nothing to what she was before that blessed John Smith broke her leg and battered her nose. Ingenious Smith!–gifted Smith!–noble Smith! Author of all our bliss! Hark! Do you know what that wheeze means? Mary, that cub has got the whooping-cough. Will you never learn to take care of the children!”
THE END
The Capitoline Venus is still in the Capitol at Rome, and is still the most charming and most illustrious work of ancient art the world can boast of. But if ever it shall be your fortune to stand before it and go into the customary ecstasies over it, don’t permit this true and secret history of its origin to mar your bliss–and when you read about a gigantic Petrified man being dug up near Syracuse, in the State of New York, or near any other place, keep your own counsel–and if the Barnum that buried him there offers to sell to you at an enormous sum, don’t you buy. Send him to the Pope!
[NOTE.–The above sketch was written at the time the famous swindle of the “Petrified Giant” was the sensation of the day in the United States]