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The Battle Of Aiken
by
“General Bullwigg, I presume.”
“The very man,” said the general, and the two gentlemen lifted their plaid golfing caps and bowed to each other. Owing to extreme diffidence, Major Jennings did not volunteer his own name; owing to the fact that he seldom thought of anything but himself, General Bullwigg did not ask it.
Major Jennings was impatient to be off, but it was General Bullwigg’s honor, and he could not compel that gentleman to drive until he was quite ready. General Bullwigg apostrophized the weather and the links. He spoke at some length of “My game,” “My swing,” “My wrist motion,” “My notion of getting out of a bunker.” He told an anecdote which reminded him of another. He touched briefly upon the manufacture of balls, the principle of imparting pure back-spin; the best seed for Northern greens, the best sand for Southern. And then, by way of adding insult to injury, he stepped up to his ball and, with due consideration for his age and stomach, drove it far and straight.
“Fine shot, sir,” was Major Jennings’s comment.
“I’ve seen better, sir,” said General Bullwigg. “But I won’t take it over.”
Major Jennings teed up his ball, and addressed it, and waggled, and shifted his feet, and had just received that sudden inner knowledge that the time was come to strike, when General Bullwigg interrupted him.
“My first visit to Aiken,” said he, “was in the 60’s. But that was no visit of pleasure. No, sir. Along the brow of this hill upon which we are standing was an earthwork. In the pines yonder, back of the first green, was a battery. In those days we did not fight it out with the pacific putter, but with bullets and bayonets.”
“Were you in the battle of Aiken?” asked the major, so quietly as to make the question sound purely perfunctory.
General Bullwigg laughed, as strong men laugh, from the stomach, and with a sweeping gesture of his left hand appeared to dismiss a hundred flatterers.
“I have heard men say,” said he, “that I was the battle of Aiken.”
With an involuntary shudder Major Jennings hastily addressed his ball, swung jerkily, and topped it feebly down the hill. Then, smiling a sickly smile, he said:
“We’re off.”
“Get a good one?” asked General Bullwigg. “I wasn’t looking.”
“Not a very good one,” said Major Jennings, inwardly writhing, “but straight–perfectly straight. A little on top.”
They sagged down the hill, the major in a pained silence, the general describing, with sweeping gestures, the positions of the various troops among the surrounding hills at the beginning of the battle of Aiken.
“In those days,” he went on, “I was second lieutenant in the gallant Twenty-ninth; but it often happens that a young man has an old head on his shoulders, and as one after the other of my superior officers–superior in rank–bit the dust—- That ball is badly cupped. You will hardly get it away with a brassy; if I were you I should play my niblick. Well out, sir! A fine recovery! On this very spot I saw a bomb burst. The air was filled with arms and legs. It seemed as if they would never come down. I shall play my brassy spoon, Purnell, the one with the yellow head. I see you don’t carry a spoon. Most invaluable club. There are days when I can do anything with a spoon. I used to own one of which I often said that it could do anything but talk.”
Major Jennings shuddered as if he were very cold; while General Bullwigg swung his spoon and made another fine shot. He had a perfect four for the first hole, to Major Jennings’s imperfect and doddering seven.
“The enemy,” said General Bullwigg, “had a breastwork of pine logs all along this line. I remember the general said to me: ‘Bullwigg,’ he said, ‘to get them out of that timber is like getting rats out of the walls of a house.’ And I said: ‘General—-‘”