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The Batch Of Letters, Or One Day With A Busy Man
by
“I don’t read Books,” he said. “I am an Intellectual Nit. Clear Out!”
So the Agent gave him a couple of pitying Looks and departed, meeting in the Doorway a pop-eyed Person with his Hat on the Back of his Head and a Roll of Blue Prints under his Arm. The Man looked up and moaned. He recognized his Visitor as a most dangerous Monomaniac–the one who is building a House and wants to show the Plans.
“I’ve got everything figured out,” he began, “except that we can’t get from the Dining Room to the Library without going through the Laundry and there’s no Flue connecting with the Kitchen. What do you think I’d better do?”
“I think you ought to live at a Hotel,” was the reply.
The Monomaniac went home and told his Wife that he had been insulted.
At 11.30 came a Committee of Ladies soliciting Funds for the Home for the Friendless.
“Those who are Friendless don’t know their own Luck,” said the Busy Man, whereupon the Ladies went outside and agreed that he was a Brute.
At Noon he went out and lunched on Bromo Seltzer.
When he rushed back to tackle his Correspondence, he was met by a large Body of Walking Delegates who told him that he had employed a non-union Man to paint his Barn and that he was a Candidate for the Boycott. He put in an Hour squaring himself and then he turned to the Stenographer.
“How far have we got?” he asked.
“‘Dear Sir,'” was the Reply.
Just then he got the Last Straw–a bewildered Rufus with a Letter of Introduction. That took 40 Minutes. When Rufe walked out, the Busy Man fell with his Face among the unanswered Letters.
“Call a Cab,” he said.
“The ‘Phone is out of order,” was the Reply.
“Ring for a Messenger,” he said.
She pulled the Buzzer and in 20 minutes there slowly entered a boy from the Telegraph Office.
The Man let out a low Howl like that of a Prairie Wolf and ran from the Office. When he arrived at Home he threw his Hat at the Rack and then made the Children back into the Corner and keep quiet. His Wife told around that Henry was Working too hard.
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MORAL: Work is a Snap, but the Intermissions do up the Nervous System.