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The Bar Sinister
by
The trophy-room was as wonderful as any public-house I ever see. On the walls was pictures of nothing but beautiful St. Bernard dogs, and rows and rows of blue and red and yellow ribbons; and when I asked Jimmy Jocks why they was so many more of blue than of the others, he laughs and says, “Because these kennels always win.” And there was many shining cups on the shelves which Jimmy Jocks told me were prizes won by the champions.
“Now, sir, might I ask you, sir,” says I, “wot is a champion?”
At that he panted and breathed so hard I thought he would bust hisself. “My dear young friend!” says he. “Wherever have you been educated? A champion is a–a champion,” he says. “He must win nine blue ribbons in the ‘open’ class. You follow me–that is–against all comers. Then he has the title before his name, and they put his photograph in the sporting papers. You know, of course, that I am a champion,” says he. “I am Champion Woodstock Wizard III., and the two other Woodstock Wizards, my father and uncle, were both champions.”
“But I thought your name was Jimmy Jocks,” I said.
He laughs right out at that.
“That’s my kennel name, not my registered name,” he says. “Why, you certainly know that every dog has two names. Now, what’s your registered name and number, for instance?” says he.
“I’ve only got one name,” I says. “Just Kid.”
Woodstock Wizard puffs at that and wrinkles up his forehead and pops out his eyes.
“Who are your people?” says he. “Where is your home?”
“At the stable, sir,” I said. “My Master is the second groom.”
At that Woodstock Wizard III. looks at me for quite a bit without winking, and stares all around the room over my head.
“Oh, well,” says he at last, “you’re a very civil young dog,” says he, “and I blame no one for what he can’t help,” which I thought most fair and liberal. “And I have known many bullterriers that were champions,” says he, “though as a rule they mostly run with fire- engines, and to fighting. For me, I wouldn’t care to run through the streets after a hose-cart, nor to fight,” says he; “but each to his taste.”
I could not help thinking that if Woodstock Wizard III. tried to follow a fire-engine he would die of apoplexy, and that, seeing he’d lost his teeth, it was lucky he had no taste for fighting, but, after his being so condescending, I didn’t say nothing.
“Anyway,” says he, “every smooth-coated dog is better than any hairy old camel like those St. Bernards, and if ever you’re hungry down at the stables, young man, come up to the house and I’ll give you a bone. I can’t eat them myself, but I bury them around the garden from force of habit, and in case a friend should drop in. Ah, I see my Mistress coming,” he says, “and I bid you good-day. I regret,” he says, “that our different social position prevents our meeting frequent, for you’re a worthy young dog with a proper respect for your betters, and in this country there’s precious few of them have that.” Then he waddles off, leaving me alone and very sad, for he was the first dog in many days that had spoken to me. But since he showed, seeing that I was a stable-dog, he didn’t want my company, I waited for him to get well away. It was not a cheerful place to wait, the Trophy House. The pictures of the champions seemed to scowl at me, and ask what right had such as I even to admire them, and the blue and gold ribbons and the silver cups made me very miserable. I had never won no blue ribbons or silver cups; only stakes for the old Master to spend in the publics, and I hadn’t won them for being a beautiful, high-quality dog, but just for fighting–which, of course, as Woodstock Wizard III. says, is low. So I started for the stables, with my head down and my tail between my legs, feeling sorry I had ever left the Master. But I had more reason to be sorry before I got back to him.