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Small Sam Small
by
“Cap’n Wrath, at your service, sir: a close-whiskered, bristly, pot-bellied little Britisher in brass buttons an’ blue. ‘Glad t’ know you, Cap’n Small,’ says he. ‘You’ve come in the nick o’ time, sir. How near can you steam with that ol’ batterin’-ram o’ yours?’
“‘That ol’ what ?’ says Cap’n Sammy.
“‘Here, some o’ you!’ Cap’n Wrath yelled t’ the crew; ‘get a line—-‘
“‘Hol’ on!’ says Cap’n Sammy; ‘no hurry.’
“Cap’n Wrath jumped.
“‘Got yourself in a nice mess, isn’t you?’ says Cap’n Sammy. ‘An’ in these busy times, too, for us poor swilers. Lost your propeller, isn’t you?’
“‘No, sir.’
“‘Ah-ha!’ says Cap’n Sammy. ‘Got a weak blade, eh? Got a crack somewheres in the works, I’ll be bound! An’ you dassen’t use your propeller in this here slob-ice, eh? Scared o’ your for’ard plates, too, isn’t you? An’ you wants a tow, doesn’t you? You wants me t’ take chances with my blades, eh, an’ bruise my poor ol’ bows, buckin’ this here ice, t’ perk your big yelpin’ ship t’ open water afore the gale nips you?’
“Cap’n Wrath cocked his red head.
“‘Well,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘know what I wants? I wants a dram o’ rum.’
“Cap’n Wrath laughed. ‘Haw, haw, haw!’ says he. An’ he jerked a thumb for the ship’s boy. Seemed t’ think Cap’n Sammy was a ol’ wag.
“‘We better have that rum in your pretty little cabin,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘an’ have it quick, for the weather don’t favor delay. I’ll want more, an’ you’ll need more, afore we strikes our bargain. Anyhow, I’m a wonderful hand with a bottle,’ says he, ‘when it ain’t my bottle.’
“‘Haw, haw! Very good, indeed, sir!’ says Cap’n Wrath. ‘I missed your wink, sir.’
“They went off then, arm in arm, like ol’ cronies. ‘A dram o’ rum, in a little mess like this, sir,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘has heartened many a man afore you.’
* * * * *
“When they come down from the upper deck,” Tumm resumed, “Cap’n Sammy was a bit weak in the knees. Tipsy, sir. Ay–Small Sam Small with three sheets in the wind. Free rum an’ a fair prospect o’ gluttin’ his greed had overcome un for once in a way. But grim, sir–an’ with little patches o’ red aflare in his dry white cheeks. An’ as for Cap’n Wrath, that poor brass-buttoned Britisher was sputterin’ rage like a Gatlin’ gun.
“‘A small difference of opinion, Tumm,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘over North Atlantic towage rates. Nothin’ more.’
“‘Get off my ship, sir!’ says Cap’n Wrath.
“‘Cap’n Wrath,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘you better take a thoughtful squint at your weather-glass.’
“Cap’n Wrath snarled.
“‘You’ll crumple up, an’ you’ll sink like scrap-iron,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘when that black wind comes down. Take the word for it,’ says he, ‘of a old skipper that knows the ice from boyhood.’
“Cap’n Wrath turned his back. Never a word from the ol’ cock, ecod!–but a speakin’ sight of his blue back.
“‘If you works a cracked propeller in this here heavy slob,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘you’ll lose it. An’ now,’ says he, ‘havin’ warned you fair, my conscience is at ease.’
“‘Off my ship, sir!’ says Cap’n Wrath.
“”Twill cost you jus’ a dollar a minute, Cap’n Wrath,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘for delay.’
“Cap’n Wrath swung round, with that, an’ fair spat rage an’ misery in Cap’n Sammy’s face.
“‘I’ll work the Bloodhound near,’ says Cap’n Sammy, ‘an’ stand by t’ take a line. This gale will break afore noon. But give her some leeway, t’ make sure. Ay; the ice will feel the wind afore dark. The ice will talk: it won’t need no word o’ mine. You’ll want that line aboard my ship, Cap’n Wrath, when the ice begins t’ press. An’ I’ll stand by, like a Christian skipper, at a dollar a minute for delay’–he hauled out his timepiece–‘t’ save your ribs from crackin’ when they hurts you. Yelp for help when you wants to. Good-day, sir.’ He went overside. ‘Item, Cap’n Wrath,’ says Skipper Sammy, squintin’ up: ‘to one dollar a minute for awaitin’ skipper’s convenience.’