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Small Sam Small
by
“‘So-so,’ says he; ‘jus’ savin’ along so-so.’
“‘So-so!’ says I; ‘you’re rich, Skipper Sammy.’
“‘I’m not jus’ in agreement with the plan o’ the world as she’s run,’ says he; ‘but if I’ve a fortune t’ ease my humor, I ‘low the Lord gets even, after all.’
“‘How so?’ says I.
“‘If I’m blessed with a taste for savin’, Tumm,’ says he, ‘I’m cursed with a thirst for liquor.’
“‘Twas true enough, I ‘low. The handiwork o’ God, in the matter o’ men’s hearts, is by times beyond me t’ fathom. For look you! a poor devil will want This an’ crave That when This an’ That are spittin’ cat an’ growlin’ dog. They’s small hope for a man’s peace in a mess like that. A lee shore, ecod!–breakers t’ le’ward an’ a brutal big wind jumpin’ down from the open sea. Thirst an’ meanness never yet kep’ agreeable company. ‘Tis a wonderful mess, ecod! when the Almighty puts the love of a penny in a mean man’s heart an’ tunes his gullet t’ the appreciation o’ good Jamaica rum. An’ I never knowed a man t’ carry a more irksome burden of appetite than Small Sam Small o’ Whoopin’ Harbor. ‘Twas fair horrible t’ see. Cursed with a taste for savin’, ay, an’ cursed, too, with a thirst for good Jamaica rum! I’ve seen his eyes glitter an’ his tongue lick his lips at the sight of a bottle; an’ I’ve heared un groan, an’ seed his face screw up, when he pinched the pennies in his pocket an’ turned away from the temptation t’ spend. It hurt un t’ the backbone t’ pull a cork; he squirmed when his dram got past his Adam’s apple. An’, Lord! how the outport crews would grin t’ see un trickle little drops o’ liquor into his belly–t’ watch un shift in his chair at the Anchor an’ Chain, an’ t’ hear un grunt an’ sigh when the dram was down.
“But Small Sam Small was no toper. Half-seas-over jus’ on’y once. It cost un dear.
* * * * *
“I sailed along o’ Cap’n Sammy,” Tumm resumed, “on the swilin’ v’yage in the spring o’ the Year o’ the Westerly Gales. I mind it well: I’ve cause. The Royal Bloodhound : a stout an’ well-found craft. An’ a spry an’ likely crew: Sam Small never lacked the pick o’ the swilin’-boys when it come t’ fittin’ out for the ice in the spring o’ the year. He’d get his load o’ fat with the cleverest skippers of un all; an’ the wily skippers o’ the fleet would tag the ol’ rat through the ice from Battle Harbor t’ the Grand Banks. ‘Small Sam Small,’ says they, ‘will nose out them swiles.’ An’ Small Sam Small done it every spring o’ the year. No clothes off for Small Sam Small! ‘Twas tramp the deck, night an’ day. ‘Twas ‘How’s the weather?’ at midnight an’ noon. ‘Twas the crow’s-nest at dawn. ‘Twas squintin’ little green eyes glued t’ the glass the day long. An’ ’twas ‘Does you see un, lads?’ forever an’ all; an’ ’twas ‘ Damme, where’s that fat?‘ But ’twas now Sam Small’s last v’yage, says he; he’d settle down when he made port again, an’ live free an’ easy in his old age, with a good fire t’ warm his bones, an’ a bottle at his elbow for reasonable sippin’ of a cold night. A man should loosen up in his old age, says he; an’ God grantin’ him bloody decks an’ a profitable slaughter, that v’yage, he’d settle down for good an’ never leave port again. He was tired, says he; he was old–an’ he was all tired out–and he’d use the comfort he’d earned in all them years o’ labor an’ savin’. Wasn’t so much in life, after all, for a old man like him, says he, except a fireside chair, or a seat in the sunlight, with a nip o’ the best Jamaica, watered t’ the taste.