PAGE 9
She Of The Triple Chevron
by
“You must go to-night?”
“Yes, I must.”
“Nothing–nothing would keep you?”
“Nothing. Duty is duty, much as I’d like to stay, and you givin’ me the bid. But my orders were strict. You don’t know what discipline means, perhaps. It means obeyin’ commands if you die for it; and my commands were to take a letter to Inspector Jules at Archangel’s Rise to-night. It’s a matter of murder or the like, and duty must be done, and me that sleepy, not forgettin’ your presence, as ever a man was and looked the world in the face.”
He drank the rest of the coffee and mechanically set the cup down, his eyes closing heavily as he did so. He made an effort, however, and pulled himself together. His eyes opened, and he looked at Jen steadily for a moment. Then he leaned over and touched her hand gently with his fingers,–Pierre’s glove of kindness,–and said: “It’s in my heart to want to stay; but a sight of you I’ll have on my way back. But I must go on now, though I’m that drowsy I could lie down here and never stir again.”
Jen said to herself: “Poor fellow, poor fellow, how tired he is! I wish”–but she withdrew her hand. He put his hand to his head, and said, absently: “It’s my duty and it’s orders, and… what was I sayin’? The disgrace of me if, if… bedad! the sleep’s on me; I’m awake, but I can’t open my eyes…. If the orders of me–and a good meal… and the disgrace… to do me duty-looked the world in the face–“
During this speech he staggered to his feet, Jen watching him anxiously the while. No suspicion of the cause of his trouble crossed her mind. She set it down to extreme natural exhaustion. Presently feeling the sofa behind him, he dropped upon it, and, falling back, began to breathe heavily. But even in this physical stupefaction he made an effort to reassert himself, to draw himself back from the coming unconsciousness. His eyes opened, but they were blind with sleep; and as if in a dream, he said: “My duty… disgrace… a long sleep… Jen, dearest”–how she started then!–“it must be done… my Jen!” and he said no more.
But these few words had opened up a world for her–a new-created world on the instant. Her life was illuminated. She felt the fulness of a great thought suffusing her face. A beautiful dream was upon her. It had come to her out of his sleep. But with its splendid advent there came the other thing that always is born with woman’s love–an almost pathetic care of the being loved. In the deep love of women the maternal and protective sense works in the parallels of mutual regard. In her life now it sprang full-statured in action; love of him, care of him; his honour her honour; his life her life. He must not sleep like this if it was his duty to go on. Yet how utterly worn he must be! She had seen men brought in from fighting prairie fires for three days without sleep; had watched them drop on their beds, and lie like logs for thirty-six hours. This sleep of her lover was, therefore, not so strange to her but it was perilous to the performance of his duty.
“Poor Sergeant Tom,” she said. “Poor Tom,” she added; and then, with a great flutter at the heart at last, “My Tom!” Yes, she said that; but she said it to the beacon, to the Prairie Star, burning outside brighter, it seemed to her, than it had ever done be fore. Then she sat down and watched him for many minutes, thinking at the end of each that she would wake him. But the minutes passed, his breathing grew heavier, and he did not stir. The Prairie Star made quivering and luminous curtains of red for the windows, and Jen’s mind was quivering in vivid waves of feeling just the same. It seemed to her as if she was looking at life now through an atmosphere charged with some rare, refining essence, and that in it she stood exultingly. Perhaps she did not define it so; but that which we define she felt. And happy are they who feel it, and, feeling it, do not lose it in this world, and have the hope of carrying it into the next.