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Plooie Of Our Square
by
“Not compared with yours.”
The Bonnie Lassie made a little gesture of despair. “I can’t find him. And Annie Oombrella won’t tell me where he is. She only cries.”
“That’s bad. You think he–he is–“
“Why don’t you say it outright, Dominie? You think he’s hiding.”
“Really!” I expostulated. “You come to me with accusations against the poor fellow and then undertake to make me responsible for them.”
“I don’t believe it’s true at all,” averred the Bonnie Lassie loyally. “I don’t believe Plooie is a coward. There’s some reason why he doesn’t go over and help! I want to know what it is.”
Perceiving that I was expected to provide excuses for the erring one, I did my best. “Over age,” I suggested.
“He’s only thirty-two.”
“Bless me! He looks sixty. Well–physical infirmity.”
“He can carry a load all day.”
“He won’t leave Annie Oombrella, then. Or perhaps she won’t let him.”
“When I asked her, she cried harder than ever and said that her mother was French and she would go and fight herself, if they’d have her.”
“Then I give it up. What does your Olympian wisdom make of it?”
“I don’t know. But I’m afraid the Garins are going to have trouble.”
Within a few days Plooie reappeared and his strident falsetto appeal for trade rang shrill in the space of Our Square. Trouble developed at once. Small boys booed at him, called him “yellow,” and advised him to go carefully, there was a German behind the next tree. Henri Dumain, our little old French David who fought the tragic duel of tooth and claw with his German Jonathan in Thornsen’s Elite Restaurant, stung him with that most insulting word in any known tongue–“Lache!”–and threatened him with uplifted cane; and poor Plooie slunk away. But I think it was the fact that he who stayed at home when others went forward had set a picture of Albert of Belgium in the window of his cubbyhole that most exasperated us against him. Tactless, to say the least! His call grew quavery and furtive. Annie Oombrella ceased to sing at work. Matters looked ill for the Garins.
The evil came to a head the week after David and Jonathan broke off all relations. Perhaps that tragedy of shattered friendship (afterward rejoined through the agency of the great peacemaker, Death) had got on our nerves. Ordinarily, had Plooie chased a small boy who had tipped a barrel down his basement steps, nothing would have come of it. But the chase took him into the midst of a group of the younger and more boisterous element, returning from a business meeting of the Gentlemen’s Sons of Avenue B, and before he could turn, they had surrounded him.
“Here’s our little ‘ee-ro!” “Looka the Frenchy that won’t fight!” “Safety first, hey, Plooie?” “Charge umbrellas–backward, march!”
Plooie did his best to break for a run through, which was the worst thing he could have tried. They collared him. By that contact he became their captive, their prey. What to do with him? To loose a prisoner, once in the hand, is an unthinkable anti-climax. Somebody developed an inspirational thought: “Ride him on a rail!”
Near by, a house front under repair supplied a scantling. Plooie was hustled upon it. He fell off. They jammed him back again. He clung, wide-eyed, white-faced, and silent. The mob, for it was that now, bore him with jeers and jokes and ribaldry along the edge of the park.
When they came within my ken he was riding high, and the mob was being augmented momentarily from every quarter. I looked about for Terry the Cop. But Terry was elsewhere. It is not beyond the bounds of reasonable probability that he had absented himself on purpose. “God hates a coward” is a tenet of Terry’s creed. I confess to a certain sympathy with it myself. After all, a harsh lesson might not be amiss for Plooie, the recusant. Composing my soul to a non-intervention policy, I leaned back on my bench, when a pitiful sight ruined my neutrality.