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“So we pikes along, me frequently reproaching Sweet Caps for his precipitancy in spilling the beans. We passes through the village of Plentiful Valley without stopping and walks on and on and on some more, until we observes a large, prosperous-looking building of red brick, like a summer hotel with a lawn in front and a high stone wall in front of that. A large number of persons of both sexes, but mainly females, is wandering about over the front yard dressed in peculiar styles. Leaning over the gates is a thickset man gazing with repugnance upon a lettuce leaf which he is holding in his right hand. He sees us and his face lights up some, but not much.

“‘What ho, comrades!’ he says; ‘what’s the latest and newest in the great world beyond?’

“‘Mister,’ I says, disregarding these pleasantries, ‘how’s the prospects for a pair of footsore travelers to get a free snack of vittles here?’

“‘Poor,’ he says, ‘very poor. Even the pay-patients, one or two of whom I am which, don’t get anything to eat to speak of. The diet here,’ says, ‘is exclusively vegeterrible. You wouldn’t scarcely believe it,’ he says, ‘but we’re paying out good money for this. Some of us is here to get cured of what the docters think we’ve got, and some of us is here,’ he says, ‘because as long as we stay here they ain’t so liable to lock us up in a regular asylum. Yes,’ he says, pensively, ‘we’ve got all kinds here. That lady yonder,’ he says, pointing to a large female who’s dressed all in white like a week’s washing and ain’t got no shoes on, ‘she’s getting back to nature. She walks around in the dew barefooted. It takes quite a lot of dew,’ he says. ‘And that fat one just beyond her believes in reincarnation.’

“‘You don’t say!’ I says.

“‘Yes,’ he says, ‘I do. She wont eat potatoes not under no circumstances, because she thinks that in her last previous existence she was a potato herself.’

“I takes a squint at the lady. She has a kind of a round face with two or three chins that she don’t actually need, and little knobby features.

“‘Well,’ I says, ‘if I’m any judge, she ain’t entirely recovered yet. Might I ask,’ I says, ‘what is your particular delusion? Are you a striped cabbage worm or a pet white rabbit?’

“I was thinking about that lettuce leaf which he held in his mitt.

“‘Not exactly,’ he says, ‘I was such a good liver that I developed a bad one and so I paid a specialist eighty dollars to send me here. At this writing,’ he says, ‘the beasts of the field have but little on me. We both browse, but they’ve got cuds to chew on afterwards. It’s sickening,’ he says in tones of the uttermost conviction. ‘Do you know what we had for breakfast this morning? Nuts,’ he says, ‘mostly nuts, which it certainly was rank cannibalism on the part of many of those present to partake thereof,’ he says. ‘This here frayed foliage which I hold in my hand,’ he says, ‘is popularly known as the mid-forenoon refreshment. It’s got imitation salad dressing on it to make it more tasty. Later on there’ll be more of the same, but the big doings will be pulled off at dinner to-night. You just oughter see us at dinner,’ he says with a bitter laugh. ‘There’ll be a mess of lovely boiled carrots,’ he says, ‘and some kind of chopped fodder, and if we’re all real good and don’t spill things on our bibs or make spots on the tablecloth, why, for dessert we’ll each have a nice dried prune. I shudder to think,’ he says, ‘what I could do right this minute to a large double sirloin cooked with onions Desdemona style, which is to say, smothered.’

“‘Mister,’ I says, ‘I never thought I’d fall so low as to be a vegeterrier, but necessity,’ I says, ‘is the mother of vinegar. Could you please, sir, spare us a couple of bites out of that there ensilage of yourn–one large bite for me and one small bite for my young friend there to keep what little life we have until the coming of the corned beef and cabbage?’