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“Tubby sure, I’m speaking figurative. I aint really aiming for the deep woods proper. Only I’ve been in Noo Yawk long enough to git the Noo Yawk habit of thinking everybody beyond Rahway, New Jersey, is the Far West. I’m really figuring to land in one of them small junction points, such as Cleveland or Pittsburgh. And we would too, if it hadn’ta been for that there head brakeman.

“Anyway, we moons round in a kind of an unostentatious way, with the Kid still acting peevish and low in his mind, and me saying little things every now and then to chirk him up, until the shank of the evening arrives ‘long about two A.M. Then we slips over into the yards below Riverside Drive, taking due care not to wake up no sleeping policeman on the way. There we presently observes a freight train, which is giving signs of getting ready to make up its mind to go somewheres.

“A freight train is like a woman. When you see a woman coming out of the front door and running back seven or eight times to get something she’s forgot, you know that woman is on her way. And it’s the same with freights; that’s why they call ’em ‘shes‘. Pretty soon this here freight quits vacilliating back and forth, and comes sliding down past where we’re waiting.

“‘Here comes a side-door Pullman, with the side door open,’ I says. ‘Let’s get on and book a couple of lowers.’

“‘How do you know where she’s going?’ says the Kid, him being greatly addicted to idle questions.

“‘I don’t,’ I says; ‘the point is that she’s going. To-night she will be here but to-morrow she will be extensively elsewhere; and so,’ I says, ‘will we. Let us therefore depart from these parts while the departing is good,’ I says.

“Which we done so, just like I’m telling you. And for some hours we trundles along very snug and comfortable, both of us being engrossed in sleep. When we wakes up it’s another day, and the wicked city is far, far behind us, and we are running through a district which is entirely surrounded by scenery. If it hadn’ta been that something keeps reminding me I ai’nt had no breakfast I coulda been just as happy.

“‘Where’ll we git off?’ says Sweet Caps, setting up and rubbing his eyes.

“‘Well,’ I says, ‘we takes our choice. Maybe Albany,’ I says. ‘The legislature is in special session there, and a couple of grafters more or less wont make no material difference–they’ll probably take us for members. Maybe Rochester,’ I says, ‘which is a pleasant city, full of large and thriving industries. Maybe,’ I says, ‘if this here train don’t take a notion to climb down off the track and go berry-picking, maybe Chicago. Of course,’ I says, ‘Chi ain’t quite so polished as Noo Yawk. Chi has been called crude by some. When I think of Noo Yawk,’ I says, ‘I think of a peroxide chorus lady going home at three o’clock in the morning in two taxicabs, but when I think of Chicago I’m reminded of a soused hired girl, with red hair, on a rampage. But,’ I says, ‘what’s the difference? Everywhere you go,’ I says, ‘there’s always human life, and Chicago is reputed to be quite full of population and very probably we can find a few warm-hearted persons there who are more or less addicted to taking a chance.’

“But you know how it is in these matters–you never can tell. Just as I’m concluding my remarks touching on our two largest cities, this here brakeman comes snooping along and intimates that we better be thinking about getting off. He’s probably the biggest brakeman living. If he was any bigger than what he is, he’d be twins. We endeavors to argue him out of the notion but it seems like he’s sort of set in his mind. Besides, being so much larger than either one of us or both of us put together, for that matter, he has the advantage in repartee. So he makes an issue of it and we sees our way clear to getting off without waiting for the locomotive to slow up or anything. After our departure, the train continues on its way thither, we remaining hither.