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PAGE 3

Plentiful Valley
by [?]

“‘I can start right this minute,’ says Sweet Caps; ‘my tooth-brush is packed and all I’ve got to do is to put on my hat. S’pose we run up to a Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street, which is a nice secluded spot,’ he says, ‘and catch the rattler.’

“‘How are you fixed for currency?’ I says.

“‘Fixed?’ he says. ‘I ain’t fixed a-tall. A’int you been carrying the firm’s bank-roll? Say, ain’t you?’

“Well, right there I has to break the sad news to him. I does it as gentle as I could but still he seems peeved. Money has caused a lot of suffering in this world, they tell me, but I’m here to tell you the lack of it’s been responsible for consider’ble many heartburnings too. Up until that minute I hadn’t had the heart to tell the Sweet Caps Kid that our little joint partnership bank-roll is no longer with us. I’d been saving back them tidings for a more suitable moment, but now I has to tell him.

“It seems that the night before, I had been tiger hunting in the jungle down at Honest John Donohue’s. Of course I should have knowed better than to go up against a game run by anybody calling hisself Honest John. Them complimentary monakers always work with the reverse English. You are walking along and you see a gin-mill across the street with a sign over the door which says it’s Smiling Pete’s Place, and you cross over and look in, and behind the bar is an old guy who ain’t heard anything that really pleased him since the Martinique disaster. He’s standing there with his lip stuck out like a fender on a street car, and a bung starter handy, just hoping that somebody will come in and start to start something. That’s Smiling Pete. As for this here Donohue, he’s so crooked he can’t eat nothing such as stick candy and cheese straws without he gets cramps in his stomach. He’d take the numbers off your house. That’s why they call him Honest John. I know all this, good and well, but what’s a feller going to do when his is the only place in town that’s open? You’ve got to play somewheres, ain’t you? Somehow, I always was sort of drawed to faro.

“Well, you know the saying–one man’s meat is another’s pizen. He was my pizen and I certainly was his meat. So now, I ain’t got nothing in my pockets except the linings.

“I tells the Sweet Caps Kid just how it was–how right up to the very last minute I kept expecting the luck to turn and how even then I mighta got it all back if the game-keeper hadn’t been so blamed unreasonable and mercenary. When my last chip is gone I holds up a finger for a marker and tells him I’ll take another stack of fifty, all blues this time, but he only looks at me sort of chilly and distrustful and remarks in a kind of a bored way that there’s nothing doing.

“‘That’ll be all right,’ I says to him. ‘I’ll see you to-morrow.’

“‘No, you wont,’ he says, spiteful-like.

“‘Why,’ I says, ‘wont you be here to-morrow?’

“‘Oh, yes,’ he says, ‘we’ll be here to-morrow, but you wont.’

“‘Is that so?’ I says, sarcastical. ‘Coming in,’ I says, ‘I thought I seen the word Welcome on the doormat.’

“‘Going out,’ he says, ‘you’ll notice that, spelled backward, it’s a French word signifying Mind Your Step.’

“And while I’m thinking up a proper comeback for that last remark of his’n somebody hands me my hat, and in less’n a minute, seems-like, I’m out in the street keeping company with myself.

“I tells all this to the Sweet Caps Kid, but still he don’t seem satisfied with my explanation. That’s one drawback to the Kid’s disposition–he gets all put out over the least little thing. So I says to him: ‘Cheer up,’ I says, ‘things ain’t so worse. Due to my being in right with the proper parties we gets this here advance tip, and we beats the barrier while this here fat Central Office bull, who thinks he wants us, is slipping his collar on over his head in the morning. Remember,’ I says, ‘we are going to the high grass where the little birdies sing and the flowers bloom. Providence,’ I says, ‘has an eye on every sparrow that falls, but nothing is said about the jays,’ I says, ‘and we’ll see if a few of them wont fall for our little cute tricks.’