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PAGE 6

Plain Fin–Paper-Hanger
by [?]

After this I was no longer content with listening to his rambling dissertations on whatever happened to rise in his memory and throat. I began to direct the output. It was not a difficult task; any incident or object, however small, served my purpose.

The four-inch dog acted as valve this morning.

Somebody had trodden on His Dogship; some unfortunate biped born to ill-luck. In and about Sonning to tread on a dog or to cause any animal unnecessary pain is looked upon as an unforgiveable crime. Dogs are made to be hugged and coddled and given the best cushion in the boat. “A man, a girl, and a dog” is as common as “a man, a punt, and an inn.”

Instantly the four-inch morsel–four inches, now that I think of it, is about right; six inches is too long–this morsel, I say, gave a yell as shrill as a launch-whistle and as fetching as a baby’s cry. Instantly three chambermaids, two barmaids, the two maiden sisters who were breakfasting on the shady side of the inn gable, and the dog’s owner, who, in a ravishing gown, was taking her coffee under one of the Japanese umbrellas, came rushing out of their respective hiding-places, impelled by an energy and accompanied by an impetuousness rarely seen except perhaps in some heroic attempt to save a drowning child sinking for the last time.

“The darlin'”–this from Katy the barmaid, who reached him first–“who’s stomped on him?”

“How outrageous to be so cruel!”–this from the two maiden sisters.

“Give him to me, Katy–oh, the brute of a man!”–this from the fair owner.

The solitary Englishman with his book and his furled umbrella, who in his absorption had committed the crime, strode on without even raising his hat in apology.

“D—-d little beast!” I heard him mutter as he neared the boat-house where Fin and I were stowing cargo. “Ought to be worn on a watch-chain or in her buttonhole.”

Fin had his hand on his lips keeping his laughing apparatus in order until the solitary disappeared down the path to the trees, then he leaned my way.

“I know him, sor,” he whispered. “He’s a barrister down in Temple Bar. He don’t remember me, sor, but I know him. He’s always treadin’ on something–something alive–always, sor, and wid both feet! He trod on me once. I thought it was him when I see him fust–but I wasn’t sure till I asked Landlord Hull about him.”

“How came you to know him?”

“Well, sor, he had an old lady on his list two years ago that was always disputin’ distances and goin’ to law about her cab-fares. I picked her up one day in St. James Street and druv her to Kensington Gardens and charged her the rates, and she kicked and had me up before the magistrate, and this old ink-bottle appeared for her. She’s rich and always in hot water. Well, we had it measured and I was right, and it cost her me fare and fifteen bob besides. When it was figured up she owed me sixpence more measurement I hadn’t charged her for the first time, and I summoned her and made her pay it and twelve bob more to teach her manners. What pay he got I don’t know, but I got me sixpence. He was born back here about a mile–that’s why he comes here for his holiday.”

Fin stopped stowing cargo–two bottles of soda, a piece of ice in a bucket, two canvases, my big easel and a lunch-basket–and moving his cap back from his freckled forehead said, with as much gravity as he could maintain:

“I ought to have been a barrister, sor; I started as one.”

The statement did not surprise me. Had he added that he had coached the winning crew of the regatta the year before, laid the marquetry floors of Cliveden (not far away), or led the band at the late Lord Mayor’s show, I should have received his statements with equal equanimity. So I simply remarked, “When was that, Fin”? quite as I should had I been gathering details for his biography–my only anxiety being to get the facts chronologically correct.