PAGE 18
One Day
by
After luncheon she was ceremoniously conducted on Aaroe’s arm into another room which was also in readiness for them; comfortable, well furnished, and with a piano.
Coffee was served at once with liqueur, and not long afterwards the two men asked to be excused; they wanted to smoke, they would not be long. They went, and left her alone. This was scarcely polite, and now she first realised that it was not the day only, but Aaroe, who had become different from what she had believed him. The great darkness which had overwhelmed her on the night of the ball again menaced her; she fought against it; she got up and paced the room; she longed to be out of doors, as though she could find him again there, such as she had imagined him. She looked for the luncheon-room, put on her red shawl, and had just come out on to the broad space before the building, when the waiter came up to her and said something in English which she could not at first understand. Indeed, she was too much occupied with her own thoughts to be able suddenly to change languages.
The waiter told her that one of her companions was ill, and the other not to be found. Even when she understood the words, she did not realise what was the matter, but followed mechanically. As she went she remembered that Aaroe’s tongue had not been quite obedient when, after the liqueur, he had asked permission to go and smoke; surely he had not had a stroke.
They passed the smoking-room, which seemed to be full–at all events of smoke and laughter. The door of a little room by the side of it was opened; there lay Aksel Aaroe on a bed. He must have slunk in there alone, perhaps to drink more; indeed, he had taken a short thick bottle in with him, which still stood on a table by the bed, on which he lay fully dressed with closed eyes and without sense or feeling.
“Tip, tip, Pete!” he said to her, and repeated it with outstretched finger, “Tip, tip, Pete!” He spoke in a falsetto voice. Did he mean Peter? Did he take her for a man? Behind him on a pillow lay something hairy; it was a toupet; she now saw that he was bald on the crown. “Tip, tip, Pete!” she heard as she rushed out.
Few people have felt smaller than Ella as she trudged along the country road, back to the town as fast as her short legs could carry her, in thin shoes and winter attire. The heavy cloak which she had worn for driving was unfastened, she carried the shawl in her hand, but still the perspiration streamed off her; the idea was upon her that it was her dreams which were falling from her.
At first she only thought of Aksel Aaroe, the unhappy lost one! To-morrow or the next day he would leave the country; she knew this from past experience, and this time it would be for ever.
But as she thought how terrible it was, the toupet on the pillow seemed to ask: “Was Aksel Aaroe so very genuine?” “Yes, yes, how could he help it if he became bald so early.” “H’m,” answered the toupet; “he could have confessed to it.”
She struggled on; luckily she did not meet any one, nor was she overtaken by any of those who had been at Baadshaug. She must look very comical, perspiring and tearful, with unfastened cloak, in thin shoes and with a shawl in her hand. Several times she slackened her pace, but the disturbance of her feelings was too great, and it was her nature to struggle forward.
But through all her feverish haste the great question forced itself upon her: “Would you not wish now, Ella, to relinquish all your dreams, since time after time things go so badly?” She sobbed violently and answered: “Not for worlds. No! for these dreams are the best things that I have. They have given me the power to measure others so that I can never exalt anything which is base. No! I have woven them round my children as well, so that I have a thousand times more pleasure in them. They and the flowers are all that I have.” And she sobbed and pressed on.