FullReads

Few dissipations ripple the gentle flow–which it were more descriptive perhaps to call stagnation–of life in that model village. From week-end to week-end scarcely a boat puts forth from the shelter of its weed-coated pier; for though Kirris-vean wears the aspect of a place of fishery, it is in fact nothing of the kind. Its inhabitants–blue-jerseyed males and sun-bonneted females–sit comfortably on their pensions and tempt no perils of the deep. Why should they risk shortening such lives as theirs? A few crab-pots–‘accessories,’ as a painter would say–rest on the beach above high-water mark, the summer through; a few tanned nets hang, and have hung for years, a-drying against the wall of the school-house. But the prevalent odour is of honeysuckle. The aged coxswain of the lifeboat reported to me last year that an American visitor had asked him how, dwelling remote from the railway, the population dealt with its fish. ‘My dear man,’ said I, ‘you should have told him that you get it by Parcels’ Post from Billingsgate.’

I never know–never, in this life shall I discover–how rumour operates in Troy, how it arrives or is spread. Early in August a rumour, incredible on the face of it, reached me that Kirris-vean intended a Regatta! . . . For a week I disbelieved it; for almost another week I forgot it; and then lo! Sir Felix himself called on me and confirmed it.

A trio of young footmen (it appeared) had arrived in Kirris-vean to spend a holiday on board-wages–their several employers having gone northward for the grouse, to incommodious shooting-boxes where a few servants sufficed. Finding themselves at a loose end (to use their own phrase for it) these three young men had hit on the wild–the happy–the almost delirious idea of a Regatta; and taking their courage in their hands had sought an interview with Sir Felix, to entreat his patronage for the scheme. They had found him in his most amiable mood, and within an hour–the old gentleman is discursive–he had consented to become Patron and President and to honour the gathering with his presence. But observe; the idea cannot have originated before August the 12th, on which day the trio arrived from London; yet a whisper of it had reached me on the 2nd or 3rd. I repeat that I shall never understand the operation of rumour in Troy.

Sir Felix, having somewhat rashly given his consent, in a cooler hour began to foresee difficulties, and drove into Troy to impart them to me. I know not why, on occasions of doubt and embarrassment such as this, he ever throws himself (so to speak) on my bosom; but so it is. The Regatta, he explained, ought to take place in August, and we were already arrived at the middle of the month, Tuesday the 24th had been suggested–a very convenient date for him: it was, as I might remember, the day before Petty Sessions, immediately after which he had as good as promised to visit his second son in Devonshire and attend the christening of an infant grandchild. But would ten days allow us time to organise the ‘events,’ hire a band, issue the necessary posters, etc.?

I assured him that, hard as it might drive us, the thing could be done. ‘I shall feel vastly more confident,’ he was good enough to say, ‘if you will consent to join our Committee.’ And I accepted, on the prospect of seeing some fun. But ah! could I have foreseen what fun!

‘You relieve my mind, indeed. . . . And–er–perhaps you might also help us by officiating as starter and–er–judge, or timekeeper?’

‘Willingly,’ said I; ‘in any capacity the Committee may wish.’

‘They will be more inclined to trust the decisions of one who–er– does not live among them.’

‘Is that so?’ said I. ‘In Kirris-vean, one would have thought–but, after all, I shall have to forgo whatever public confidence depends on the competitors being unacquainted with me, since two-thirds of them will come to you from Troy.’