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THIS STORY IS TOLD BY

THE OLD PROFESSOR

AND IS CALLED

MY TRANSLATOPHONE

The Professor was very old, but he was well preserved–always spoken of as “hale and hearty.” He still held his position in his college, and still took a good part in teaching mathematics, but he had an assistant who did the heavy work. He had been principal of the school where the Mistress of the House received her education, and she was much attached to him, and he always spent some part of his summer vacation at her house. The Master of the House, of course, was not there every summer, and so this season the Old Professor had a special treat, for there were many things he liked to talk about in which he knew the two ladies could take no interest.

It rained for two days after his arrival at the house, but the third morning was bright and clear, and the Master of the House conducted his visitor to the favorite resort of the family–a spot the Old Professor knew well and loved. They conversed for a while on some deep subjects, and then they were joined by the two ladies and the Next Neighbor, and the serious discourse changed into light talk; and John Gayther coming up to pay his respects to the Old Professor, the Next Neighbor was seized with an inspiration.

“John,” she said, “you must tell us a story. Sit right down and begin ‘Once upon a time–‘ know I haven’t heard a story for a long time.”

“Madam,” said John, respectfully, “I always do what the ladies tell me to do; and I am more sorry than I can say, but I have to know beforehand when I am to tell a story, and indeed I haven’t one ready.”

“Oh, you are clever and can make up as you go along, as the children say.”

“John never tells an impromptu story,” said the Mistress of the House. “But, my dear Professor,” and she turned to the old gentleman, “we are all friends here, and I should so like you to tell us how you got your wife. You once told it to me, and I should like to know what this company will think of the way you won her.”

The Old Professor smiled. “I know what you think about it, and I know what I think about it; and, as you say, we are all old friends, and I am rather curious to know what this company will think about it. I will tell my little story.” When they were all ready, he began in a clear voice:

“If my Mary were living this story would never have been told; but she has been a blessed spirit now these many years, and has doubtless long known it, and has judged my conduct righteously. Such is my belief.” Here he made a reverent pause, and then began again:

“In my early youth I left, for some two or three years, the beaten track–so to speak–of mathematics; or, more properly, mechanics. For I interested myself in inventing, with more or less success, certain scientific machines.

“One of the most successful of these various contrivances, and the one, indeed, in which I was most deeply interested, was a small machine very much resembling in appearance the tube, with a mouth-piece at one end and an ear-piece at the other, frequently used by deaf persons, but very different in its construction and action. In the ordinary instrument the words spoken into the mouth-piece are carried through the tube to the ear, and are then heard exactly as they are spoken. When I used my instrument the person spoke into the mouth-piece exactly as if it were an ordinary tube, but the result was very different, for the great feature of my invention was that, no matter what language was spoken by the person at the mouth-piece, be it Greek, Choctaw, or Chinese, the words came to the ear in perfect English.