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Mrs. Bathurst
by
“How?” said Hooper peremptorily. “You must have seen it or heard it.”
“Yes,” said Pyecroft. “I used to think seein’ and hearin’ was the only regulation aids to ascertainin’ facts, but as we get older we get more accommodatin’. The cylinders work easier, I suppose…. Were you in Cape Town last December when Phyllis’s Circus came?”
“No–up country,” said Hooper, a little nettled at the change of venue.
“I ask because they had a new turn of a scientific nature called ‘Home and Friends for a Tickey.'”
“Oh, you mean the cinematograph–the pictures of prize-fights and steamers. I’ve seen ’em up country.”
“Biograph or cinematograph was what I was alludin’ to. London Bridge with the omnibuses–a troopship goin’ to the war–marines on parade at Portsmouth an’ the Plymouth Express arrivin’ at Paddin’ton.”
“Seen ’em all. Seen ’em all,” said Hooper impatiently.
“We Hierophants came in just before Christmas week an’ leaf was easy.”
“I think a man gets fed up with Cape Town quicker than anywhere else on the station. Why, even Durban’s more like Nature. We was there for Christmas,” Pritchard put in.
“Not bein’ a devotee of Indian peeris, as our Doctor said to the Pusser, I can’t exactly say. Phyllis’s was good enough after musketry practice at Mozambique. I couldn’t get off the first two or three nights on account of what you might call an imbroglio with our Torpedo Lieutenant in the submerged flat, where some pride of the West country had sugared up a gyroscope; but I remember Vickery went ashore with our Carpenter Rigdon– old Crocus we called him. As a general rule Crocus never left ‘is ship unless an’ until he was ‘oisted out with a winch, but when ‘e went ‘e would return noddin’ like a lily gemmed with dew. We smothered him down below that night, but the things ‘e said about Vickery as a fittin’ playmate for a Warrant Officer of ‘is cubic capacity, before we got him quiet, was what I should call pointed.”
“I’ve been with Crocus–in the Redoubtable,” said the Sergeant. “He’s a character if there is one.”
“Next night I went into Cape Town with Dawson and Pratt; but just at the door of the Circus I came across Vickery. ‘Oh!’ he says, ‘you’re the man I’m looking for. Come and sit next me. This way to the shillin’ places!’ I went astern at once, protestin’ because tickey seats better suited my so-called finances. ‘Come on,’ says Vickery, ‘I’m payin’.’ Naturally I abandoned Pratt and Dawson in anticipation o’ drinks to match the seats. ‘No,’ he says, when this was ‘inted–‘not now. Not now. As many as you please afterwards, but I want you sober for the occasion.’ I caught ‘is face under a lamp just then, an’ the appearance of it quite cured me of my thirsts. Don’t mistake. It didn’t frighten me. It made me anxious. I can’t tell you what it was like, but that was the effect which it ‘ad on me. If you want to know, it reminded me of those things in bottles in those herbalistic shops at Plymouth–preserved in spirits of wine. White an’ crumply things–previous to birth as you might say.”
“You ‘ave a beastial mind, Pye,” said the Sergeant, relighting his pipe.
“Perhaps. We were in the front row, an’ ‘Home an’ Friends’ came on early. Vickery touched me on the knee when the number went up. ‘If you see anything that strikes you,’ he says, ‘drop me a hint’; then he went on clicking. We saw London Bridge an’ so forth an’ so on, an’ it was most interestin’. I’d never seen it before. You ‘eard a little dynamo like buzzin’, but the pictures were the real thing–alive an’ movin’.”
“I’ve seen ’em,” said Hooper. “Of course they are taken from the very thing itself–you see.”
“Then the Western Mail came in to Paddin’ton on the big magic lantern sheet. First we saw the platform empty an’ the porters standin’ by. Then the engine come in, head on, an’ the women in the front row jumped: she headed so straight. Then the doors opened and the passengers came out and the porters got the luggage–just like life. Only–only when any one came down too far towards us that was watchin’, they walked right out o’ the picture, so to speak. I was ‘ighly interested, I can tell you. So were all of us. I watched an old man with a rug ‘oo’d dropped a book an’ was tryin’ to pick it up, when quite slowly, from be’ind two porters–carryin’ a little reticule an’ lookin’ from side to side–comes out Mrs. Bathurst. There was no mistakin’ the walk in a hundred thousand. She come forward– right forward–she looked out straight at us with that blindish look which Pritch alluded to. She walked on and on till she melted out of the picture–like–like a shadow jumpin’ over a candle, an’ as she went I ‘eard Dawson in the ticky seats be’ind sing out: ‘Christ! There’s Mrs. B.!'”