FullReads

However, the fire-engines arrived on the ground before the ladders: these last were the particular objects of Mr. Jeremiah’s wishes: meantime, in default of those, and as the second best thing that could happen, the engines played with such a well-directed stream of water upon the window–upon the Golden Sow–and upon Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger, that for one while they were severally rendered tolerably fire-proof. When at length the ladders arrived, and the people were on the point of applying them to the Golden Sow, he earnestly begged that they would, first of all, attend to a case of more urgent necessity: for himself, he was well mounted–as they saw; could assure them that he was by no means in a combustible state; and, if they would be so good as to be a little more parsimonious with their water, he didn’t care if he continued to pursue his morning’s ride a little longer. On the other hand, Juno at the window to the right was reduced every moment to greater extremities, as was pretty plainly indicated by the increasing violence of her howling.

But the people took it ill that they should be desired to rescue a four-legged animal; and peremptorily refused.

‘My good lads,’ said the man upon the sow, ‘for heaven’s sake don’t delay any longer: one heaven, as Pfeffel observes, is over all good creatures that are pilgrims on this earth–let their travelling coat (which by the way is none of their own choosing) be what it may;–smooth like yours and mine, or shaggy like Juno’s.’

But all to no purpose: not Pfeffel himself in propria persona could have converted them from the belief that to take any trouble about such a brute was derogatory to the honour of the very respectable citizens of B—-.

However, when Mr. Jeremiah drew his purse-strings, and offered a golden ducat to him that would render this service to his dog, instantly so many were the competitors for the honour of delivering the excellent pilgrim in the shaggy coat, that none of them would resign a ladder to any of the rest: and thus, in this too violent zeal for her safety, possibly Juno would have perished–but for a huge Brunswick sausage, which, happening to go past in the mouth of a spaniel, violently irritated the appetite of Juno, and gave her courage for the salto mortale down to the pavement.

‘God bless my soul,’ said Mr. Schnackenberger, to the men who stood mourning over the golden soap-bubble that had just burst before their eyes, ‘what’s to be done now?’ and, without delay, he offered the ducat to him that would instantly give chase to Juno, who had already given chase to the sausage round the street corner, and would restore her to him upon the spot. And such was the agitation of Mr. Schnackenberger’s mind, that for a few moments he seemed as if rising in his stirrups–and on the point of clapping spurs to the Golden Sow for the purpose of joining in the chase.

CHAPTER V.

FROM WHICH MAY BE DESCRIED THE OBJECT OF MR. SCHNACKENBERGER’S JOURNEY TO B—-, AND A PROSPECT OF AN INTRODUCTION TO HIGH LIFE.

Mr. Schnackenberger’s consternation was, in fact, not without very rational grounds. The case was this. Juno was an English bitch–infamous for her voracious appetite in all the villages, far and wide, about the university–and, indeed, in all respects, without a peer throughout the whole country. Of course, Mr. Schnackenberger was much envied on her account by a multitude of fellow students; and very large offers were made him for the dog. To all such overtures, however, the young man had turned a deaf ear for a long time, and even under the heaviest pecuniary distresses; though he could not but acknowledge to himself that Juno brought him nothing but trouble and vexation. For not only did this brute (generally called the monster) make a practice of visiting other people’s kitchens, and appropriating all unguarded dainties–but she went even to the length of disputing the title to their own property with he-cooks and she-cooks, butchers, and butchers’ wives, etc. and whosoever had once made acquaintance with the fore-paws of this ravenous lady, allowed her thenceforwards, without resistance, to carry off all sausages or hams which she might choose to sequestrate, and directly presented a bill to her master; in which bill it commonly happened that indemnification for the fright, if not expressly charged as one of the items, had a blank space, however, left for its consideration beneath the sum total. At length, matters came to that pass, that the reimbursement of Juno’s annual outrages amounted to a far larger sum than Mr. Schnackenberger’s own–not very frugal expenditure. On a day, therefore, when Juno had made an entire clearance of the larder appropriated to a whole establishment of day-labourers–and Mr. Schnackenberger had, in consequence, been brought into great trouble in the university courts, in his first moments of irritation he asked his friend Mr. Fabian Sebastian, who had previously made him a large offer for the dog, whether he were still disposed to take her on those terms. ‘Undoubtedly,’ said Mr. Sebastian–promising, at the same time, to lay down the purchase money on that day se’nnight, upon delivery of the article.