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PAGE 23

Mr. Schnackenberger; Or, Two Masters For One Dog
by [?]

Still it seemed as if our hero had neither ears nor eyes. For he continued doggedly to work away at his ‘cloud-compelling’ pipe ([Greek: nephelegereta Schnakenberger]), without ever looking at his challenger.

When at length he rose, everybody supposed that probably he had had badgering enough by this time, and meant to decamp quietly. All present were making wry faces, in order to check their bursting laughter, until Mr. Schnackenberger were clear of the room; that done, each prepared to give free vent to his mirth and high compliments to Mr. Von Pilsen, upon the fine style in which he had ‘done execution upon Cawdor.’ Decamping, however, entered not into Mr. Schnackenberger’s military plans; he rather meant to encamp over against Von Pilsen’s position: calmly, therefore, with a leisurely motion, and gradu militari, did he advance towards his witty antagonist. The latter looked somewhat paler than usual: but, as this was no time for retreating, and he saw the necessity of conducting the play with spirit to its denouement,–he started up, and exclaimed: ‘Ah! here is the very man I was wishing for! framed after my very heart’s longing. Come, dear friend, embrace me: let us have a fraternal hug.’

‘Basta!’ cried Mr. Jeremiah, attaching his shoulder, and squeezing him, with a right hand of ‘high pressure,’ down into his chair–‘This is a very good story, Mr. Von Pilsen, that you have told us: and pity it were that so good a story should want a proper termination. In future, therefore, my Pilsen,

When you shall these unhappy deeds relate,

be sure you do not forget the little sequel which I shall furnish: tell it to the end, my Pilsen:

And set you down that in Aleppo once–‘

Here the whole company began to quake with the laughter of anticipation–

‘And set you down that in Aleppo once–

when a fribble–a coxcomb–a puppy dared to traduce a student from the university of X—-

I took the circumcised dog by the nose, And smote him thus—-‘

at the same time breaking his pipe calmly on the very prominent nose of Mr. Von Pilsen.

Inextinguishable laughter followed from all present: Mr. Von Pilsen quitted the room forthwith: and next morning was sought for in vain in B—-.

CHAPTER XXV.

WHICH CONTAINS A DUEL–AND A DEATH.

Scarcely had Mr. Schnackenberger withdrawn to his apartment, when a pair of ‘field-pieces’ were heard clattering up-stairs–such and so mighty as, among all people that on earth do dwell, no mortal wore, himself only except, and the student, Mr. Fabian Sebastian. Little had he thought under his evening canopy of smoke, that Nemesis was treading so closely upon his heels.

‘Sir, my brother,’ began Mr. Student Fabian, ‘the time is up: and here am I, to claim my rights. Where is the dog? The money is ready: deliver the article: and payment shall be made.’

Mr. Schnackenberger shrugged his shoulders.

‘Nay, my brother, no jesting (if you please) on such serious occasions: I demand my article.’

‘What, if the article have vanished?’

‘Vanished!’ said Mr. Fabian; ‘why then we must fight, until it comes back again.–Sir, my brother, you have acted nefariously enough in absconding with goods that you had sold: would you proceed to yet greater depths in nefariousness, by now withholding from me my own article?’

So saying, Mr. Fabian paid down the purchase money in hard gold upon the table. ‘Come, now, be easy,’ said Mr. Schnackenberger, ‘and hear me.’

‘Be easy, do you say? That will I not: but hear I will, and with all my heart, provided it be nothing unhearable–nor anything in question of my right to the article: else, you know, come knocks.’ ‘Knocks!’ said Jeremiah: ‘and since when, I should be glad to know, has the Schnackenberger been in the habit of taking knocks without knocking again, and paying a pretty large per centage?’

‘Ah! very likely. That’s your concern. As to me, I speak only for myself and for my article.’ Hereupon Mr. Schnackenberger made him acquainted with the circumstances, which were so unpalatable to the purchaser of ‘the article,’ that he challenged Mr. Schnackenberger to single combat there and then.