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Mr. Grapewine’s Christmas Dinner
by
“My dear, Mr. Grapewine invites us to a Christmas dinner, which, of course, we could not attend—-“
“Why not?” exclaims Mrs. Totty, eagerly.
“Which it would do gross injury to our principles to attend,” continued Mr. Totty; “and I will call on him, with our refusal, this morning, myself.”
Mrs. Totty resignedly helped him on with his overcoat, and submitted to the mildly spoken decree which was law in the house of the Tottys.
In a short time her husband went out with the invitation in his pocket and a look of unusual benevolence in his eyes.
Dr. Tuggle and lady read the invitation together over their breakfast-table, and fell to quarrelling so dreadfully about the purport of Mr. Grapewine’s singular request, that the doctor rushed from the house, threatening to pull Mr. Grapewine’s nose, and to divorce himself forever from his hateful spouse.
On this same morning Mr. Grapewine’s bell was rung five times, at very short intervals, in the most tremendously violent manner, and five loud altercations took place in the hall between the servant and the five callers.
“Where is he?”
“Bring him down, or I’ll go up after him!”
“What does he mean by it?”
“Insult a respectable lady!”
“Let me catch him, that’s all!”
“Where has he gone?”
“I’ll send him a challenge by Fobbs!”
“Where’s his wife?”
This was what Mr. Grapewine, listening at the top of the stairs, heard in a confused tumult in his parlor. He could not understand it. He was extremely agitated; but the servant insisted on his going down, and he did so, clad in a loose morning dress and slippers. As he entered the parlor-door he was met by four furious gentlemen and an elderly lady, flourishing his invitations in their hands and crying hotly for explanations.
“What do you mean, sir? What do you mean by alluding to my–my toilet in this impertinent manner?” said Colonel Killiam.
The light began to flow in upon Mr. Grapewine’s puzzled understanding. He confessed his mistake, and would have urged them to forget it and come to the dinner as if nothing had happened, but before he could do so he found himself alone in the room, with five notes of invitation on the floor at his feet, and nothing but the remembrance of one of the best ideas he had ever had in his life.