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“‘In short, monsieur, I was his mistress; and I was happy. I became–and this was my greatest weakness and my greatest piece of cowardice-I became his wife’s friend.

“‘We brought up my son together; we made a man of him, a thorough man, intelligent, full of sense and resolution, of large and generous ideas. The boy reached the age of seventeen.

“‘He, the young man, was fond of my–my lover, almost as fond of him as I was myself, for he had been equally cherished and cared for by both of us. He used to call him his ‘dear friend,’ and respected him immensely, having never received from him anything but wise counsels and an example of integrity, honor, and probity. He looked upon him as an old loyal and devoted comrade of his mother, as a sort of moral father, guardian, protector–how am I to describe it?

“‘Perhaps the reason why he never asked any questions was that he had been accustomed from his earliest years to see this man in my house, at my side, and at his side, always concerned about us both.

“‘One evening the three of us were to dine together–this was my chief amusement–and I waited for the two men, asking myself which of them would be the first to arrive. The door opened; it was my old friend. I went toward him, with outstretched arms; and he pressed my lips in a long, delicious kiss.

“‘All of a sudden, a slight sound, a faint rustling, that mysterious sensation which indicates the presence of another person, made us start and turn round abruptly. Jean, my son, stood there, livid, staring at us.

“‘There was a moment of atrocious confusion. I drew back, holding out my hand toward my son as if in supplication; but I could not see him. He had gone.

“‘We remained facing each other–my lover and I–crushed, unable to utter a word. I sank into an armchair, and I felt a desire, a vague, powerful desire, to flee, to go out into the night, and to disappear forever. Then convulsive sobs rose in my throat, and I wept, shaken with spasms, my heart breaking, all my nerves writhing with the horrible sensation of an irreparable, misfortune, and with that dreadful sense of shame which, in such moments as this, fills a mother’s heart.

“‘He looked at me in a terrified manner, not venturing to approach, to speak to me, or to touch me, for fear of the boy’s return. At last he said:

“‘I am going to follow him-to talk to him–to explain matters to him. In short, I must see him and let him know—-“

“‘And he hurried away.

“‘I waited–waited in a distracted frame of mind, trembling at the least sound, starting with fear and with some unutterably strange and intolerable emotion at every slight crackling of the fire in the grate.

“‘I waited an hour, two hours, feeling my heart swell with a dread I had never before experienced, such anguish that I would not wish the greatest criminal to endure ten minutes of such misery. Where was my son? What was he doing?

“‘About midnight, a messenger brought me a note from my lover. I still know its contents by heart:

“‘Has your son returned? I did not find him. I am down here. I do not want to go up at this hour.”

“‘I wrote in pencil on the same slip of paper:

“‘Jean has not returned. You must find him.”

“‘And I ‘remained all night in the armchair, waiting for him.

“‘I felt as if I were going mad. I longed to run wildly about, to roll on the ground. And yet I did not even stir, but kept waiting hour after hour. What was going to happen? I tried to imagine, to guess. But I could form no conception, in spite of my efforts, in spite of the tortures of my soul!