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Ministry Of Disturbance
by
“Good morning, gentlemen.”
“Good morning, Your Imperial Majesty,” General Dorflay said, bowing the couple of inches consistent with military dignity. The Thoran captain saluted by touching his forehead, his heart, which was on the right side, and the butt of his pistol. Paul complimented him on the smart appearance of his detail, and the captain asked how it could be otherwise, with the example and inspiration of his imperial majesty. Compliment and response could have been a playback from every morning of the ten years of his reign. So could Dorflay’s question: “Your Majesty will proceed to his study?”
He wanted to say, “No, to Niffelheim with it; let’s get an aircar and fly a million miles somewhere,” and watch the look of shocked incomprehension on the captain-general’s face. He couldn’t do that, though; poor old Harv Dorflay might have a heart attack. He nodded slowly.
“If you please, general.”
Dorflay nodded to the Thoran captain, who nodded to his men. Four of them took two paces forward; the rest, unslinging weapons, went scurrying up the corridor, some posting themselves along the way and the rest continuing to the main hallway. The captain and two of his men started forward slowly; after they had gone twenty feet, Paul and General Dorflay fell in behind them, and the other two brought up the rear.
“Your Majesty,” Dorflay said, in a low voice, “let me beg you to be most cautious. I have just discovered that there exists a treasonous plot against your life.”
Paul nodded. Dorflay was more than due to discover another treasonous plot; it had been ten days since the last one.
“I believe you mentioned it, general. Something about planting loose strontium-90 in the upholstery of the Audience Throne, wasn’t it?”
And before that, somebody had been trying to smuggle a fission bomb into the Palace in a wine cask, and before that, it was a booby trap in the elevator, and before that, somebody was planning to build a submachine gun into the viewscreen in the study, and–
“Oh, no, Your Majesty; that was–Well, the persons involved in that plot became alarmed and fled the planet before I could arrest them. This is something different, Your Majesty. I have learned that unauthorized alterations have been made on one of the cooking-robots in your private kitchen, and I am positive that the object is to poison Your Majesty.”
They were turning into the main hallway, between the rows of portraits of past emperors, Paul and Rodrik, Paul and Rodrik, alternating over and over on both walls. He felt a smile growing on his face, and banished it.
“The robot for the meat sauces, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“Why–! Yes, Your Majesty.”
“I’m sorry, general. I should have warned you. Those alterations were made by roboticists from the Ministry of Security; they were installing an adaptation of a device used in the criminalistics-labs, to insure more uniform measurements. They’d done that already for Prince Travann, the Minister, and he’d recommended it to me.”
That was a shame, spoiling poor Harv Dorflay’s murder plot. It had been such a nice little plot, too; he must have had a lot of fun inventing it. But a line had to be drawn somewhere. Let him turn the Palace upside down hunting for bombs; harass ladies-in-waiting whose lovers he suspected of being hired assassins; hound musicians into whose instruments he imagined firearms had been built; the emperor’s private kitchen would have to be off limits.
Dorflay, who should have been looking crestfallen but relieved, stopped short–shocking breach of Court etiquette–and was staring in horror.
“Your Majesty! Prince Travann did that openly and with your consent? But, Your Majesty, I am convinced that it is Prince Travann himself who is the instigator of every one of these diabolical schemes. In the case of the elevator, I became suspicious of a man named Samml Ganner, one of Prince Travann’s secret police agents. In the case of the gun in the viewscreen, it was a technician whose sister is a member of the household of Countess Yirzy, Prince Travann’s mistress. In the case of the fission bomb—-“