FullReads

Matters were in this state when I became fully acquainted with them; she was willing, he was willing, and yet, if they kept on in the way they were pursuing, they both bid fair to remain in single blessedness for a long time to come. Deeply interested in the welfare of both parties, I thought I could not manifest my sympathy better than by kindly intervening and producing that crisis which I knew would accord with the feelings of both.

A slight attack of fever of the lady’s, not requiring medical aid, but which a father’s fears magnified, and would not be allayed until I had been sent for, introduced me fully to the confidence of the daughter; and a trite experiment, which I tried upon her, convinced me that all that my friend Jerry had to do was to ask, and it would be given.

Holding my fair patient’s hand, which, resting in mine, looked like a pearl in a setting of jet, I placed my fingers upon her pulse, and, whilst pretending to number it, accidentally, as it were, mentioned Jerry’s name – the sudden thrill that pervaded the artery assured me that she loved – lifting my eyes to her face, I gave her an
expressive look, which suffused her beauteous countenance, as if she was passing into the second stage of scarlet fever.

My next duty was to seek Jerry. I found him seated on a log, under a shady willow by the edge of the bayou, pole in hand, assuming to be angling. The tense state of his line, and an occasional quiver of the pole, indicated that a fish was hooked. Passing unnoticed by him, a stranger would have come to one of three conclusions: that he was deranged, in love, or a born fool.

Walking up to him briskly, without his hearing me, although I made considerable noise getting down the bank, I slapped him on the shoulder to engage his attention, and, as I had several patients to visit, and time was precious, without waiting for the usual salutations of the day, commenced my address in a real quarter race manner: –

“Jerry, for a sensible man, and a fellow of courage, you are the d—dest fool and coward unhung. You love a girl – the girl loves you. You know that the old people are willing, and that the girl is only waiting for you to pop the question, to say ‘Yes!’ and yet, instead of having the thing over, like white folks, and becoming the head of a respectable family, here you sit, like a knot on a tree, with the moss commencing to grow on your back, pretending to be fishing, and yet not knowing that a big cat is almost breaking your line to shivers.

“Now I want to do you a service, and you must take my advice. Jerk that fish out, take the hook out of his mouth, and then put him back in the bayou – perhaps his sweetheart was waiting for him when he got hung; and as you are in a like predicament, you should be able to say to the gal, ‘That mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me!’ Go home, put on a clean shirt, shave that hair off yourface and upper lip; for a sensible woman never yet accepted a man, with nothing but the tip of his nose visible from its wilderness of hair. Dress yourself decently, go up to old Smith’s, wait till you get rested, then ask the girl to take a walk in the garden – gardens are a hell of a place to make love in – to look at the flowers, to eat radishes, to pluck grapes – anything for an excuse to get her there – and when you have got her under the arbour, don’t fall on your knees, or any of your fool novel notions, but stand straight up before her, take both of her hands in yours, look her dead in the eyes, and ask her, in a bold, manly way – as if you were pricing pork – to marry you. Will you do it? Speak quick! I’m interested in the matter, for if you don’t do it to-day, by the Lord, I will, for myself, to morrow. I have held off for you long enough; and if you don’t bring matters to a close, as I say, in the next twenty-four hours, as cold weather is coming on, I’ll try my hand myself in the courting line – you know doctors are the very devil amongst the women!”