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Lords Of The Pots And Pans
by
He looked up and discovered the Little Doctor approaching with Chip. She was smiling a friendly welcome, and she was curious about the new cook. By the time she had greeted them all and had asked all the questions she could think of and had gone over to meet Jakie and to taste, at the urgent behest of the Happy Family, a tiny morsel of salad which had been overlooked, it would seem that the triumph of the new cook was complete and that no one could possibly give a thought to old Patsy.
The Little Doctor, however, seemed to regret his loss–and that in the face of the delectable salad and the smile of Jakie. “I do think it’s a shame that Patsy left the way he did,” she remarked to the Happy Family in general, being especially careful not to look toward Big Medicine. “The poor old fellow walked every step of the way to the ranch, and Claude”–that was Chip’s real name–“says it was twenty-five or six miles. He was so lame and he looked so old and so–well, friendless, that I could have cried when he came limping up to the house! He had walked all night, and he got here just at breakfast time and was too tired to eat.
“I dosed him and doctored his poor feet and made him go to bed, and he slept all that day. He wanted to start that night for Dry Lake, but of course we wouldn’t let him do that. He was wild to leave, however, so J.G. had to drive him in the next day. He went off without a word to any of us, and he looked so utterly dejected and so–so old. Claude says he acted perfectly awful in camp, but I’m sure he was sorry for it afterwards. J.G. hasn’t got over it yet; I believe he has taken it to heart as much as Patsy seemed to do. He’s had Patsy with him for so long, you see–he was like one of the family.” She stopped and regarded the Happy Family a bit anxiously. “This new cook is a very nice little man,” she added after a minute, “but after all, he isn’t Patsy.”
The Happy Family did not answer, and they refrained from looking at one another or at the Little Doctor.
At last Big Medicine brought his big voice into the awkward silence. “Honest to grandma, Mrs. Chip,” he said earnestly, “I’d give a lot right now to have old Patsy back–er–just to have around, if it made him feel bad to leave. I reckon maybe that was my fault: I hadn’t oughta pitched quite so hard, and I had oughta looked where I was throwin’ m’ rider. I reelize that no cook likes to have a fellow standin’ on his head in a big pan uh bread-sponge, on general principles if not on account uh the bread. Uh course, we’ve all knowed old Patsy to take just about as great liberties himself with his sponge–but we’ve got to recollect that it was his dough, by cripes, and that pipe ashes ain’t the same as a fellow takin’ a shampoo in the pan. No, I reelize that I done wrong, and I’m willin’ to apologize for it right here and now. At the same time,” he ended dryly, “I will own that I’m dead stuck on little Jakie, and I’d ruther ride for the Flying U and eat Jakie’s grub than any other fate I can think of right now. Whilst I’m sorry for what I done, yuh couldn’t pry me loose from Jakie with a stick uh dynamite–and that’s a fact, Mrs. Chip.”
The Little Doctor laughed, pushed back her hair in the way she had, glanced again at the unresponsive faces of the original members of the Happy Family and gave up as gracefully as possible.
“Oh, of course Patsy’s an old crank, and Jakie’s a waxed angel,” she surrendered with a little grimace. “You think so now, but that’s because you are being led astray by your appetites, like all men. You just wait: You’ll be homesick for a sight of that fat, bald-headed, cranky old Patsy bouncing along on the mess-wagon and swearing in Dutch at his horses, before you’re through. If you’re not so completely gone over to Jakie that you will eat nothing but what he has cooked, come on up to the house. The Countess is making a twogallon freezer of ice-cream for you, and she has a big pan of angel cake to go with it! You don’t deserve it–but come along anyway.” Which was another endearing way of the Little Doctor’s–the way of sweetening all her lectures with something very nice at the end.