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Kalinin
by
“Yes, and to no purpose does he do so,” added the Christ-loving pilgrim as he halted in the doorway. “All that he accomplishes by it is to weary himself and others alike. Such experiences are far better put behind one.”
Presently I followed the pair into the forecourt, and near the entrance-gates heard a voice say quietly:
“Do not disturb yourself, good father.”
“Nevertheless” (the second voice was that of the porter of the monastery, Father Seraphim, a strapping Vetlugan) “a spectre walks here nightly.”
“Never mind if it does. As regards myself, no spectre would touch me.”
Here I moved in the direction of the gates.
“Who comes there?” Seraphim inquired as he thrust a hairy and uncouth, but infinitely kindly, face close to mine. “Oh, it is the young fellow from Nizhni Novgorod! You are wasting your time, my good sir, for the women have all gone to bed.”
With which he laughed and chuckled like a bear.
Beyond the wall of the forecourt the stillness of the autumn night was the languid inertia of a world exhausted by summer, and the withered grass and other objects of the season were exhaling a sweet and bracing odour, and the trees looking like fragments of cloud where motionless they hung in the moist, sultry air. Also, in the darkness the half-slumbering sea could be heard soughing as it crept towards the shore while over the sky lay a canopy of mist, save at the point where the moon’s opal-like blur could be descried over the spot where that blur’s counterfeit image glittered and rocked on the surface of the dark waters.
Under the trees there was set a bench whereon I could discern there to be resting a human figure. Approaching the figure, I seated myself beside it.
“Whence, comrade?” was my inquiry.
“From Voronezh. And you?”
A Russian is never adverse to talking about himself. It would seem as though he is never sure of his personality, as though he is ever yearning to have that personality confirmed from some source other than, extraneous to, his own ego. The reason for this must be that we Russians live diffused over a land of such vastness that, the more we grasp the immensity of the same, the smaller do we come to appear in our own eyes; wherefore, traversing, as we do, roads of a length of a thousand versts, and constantly losing our way, we come to let slip no opportunity of restating ourselves, and setting forth all that we have seen and thought and done.
Hence, too, must it be that in conversations one seems to hear less of the note of “I am I” than of the note of “Am I really and truly myself?”
“What may be your name?” next I inquired of the figure on the bench.
“A name of absolute simplicity–the name of Alexei Kalinin.”
“You are a namesake of mine, then.”
“Indeed? Is that so?”
With which, tapping me on the knee, the figure added:
“Come, then, namesake. ‘I have mortar, and you have water, so together let us paint the town.'”
Murmuring amid the silence could be heard small, light waves that were no more than ripples. Behind us the busy clamour of the monastery had died down, and even Kalinin’s cheery voice seemed subdued by the influence of the night–it seemed to have in it less of the note of self-confidence.
“My mother was a wet-nurse,” he went on to volunteer, and I her only child. When I was twelve years of age I was, owing to my height, converted into a footman. It happened thus. One day, on General Stepan (my mother’s then employer) happening to catch sight of me, he exclaimed: ‘Evgenia, go and tell Fedor’ (the ex-soldier who was then serving the General as footman) ‘that he is to teach your son to wait at table! The boy is at least tall enough for the work.’ And for nine years I served the General in this capacity. And then, and then–oh, THEN I was seized with an illness. . . . Next, I obtained a post under a merchant who was then mayor of our town, and stayed with him twenty-one months. And next I obtained a situation in an hotel at Kharkov, and held it for a year. And after that I kept changing my places, for, steady and sober though I was, I was beginning to lack taste for my profession, and to develop a spirit of the kind which deemed all work to be beneath me, and considered that I had been created to serve only myself, not others.”