PAGE 18
Imagination
by
“That, Charles, can never be.”
“Why never, Julia?” cried the youth, giving way at once to his long-suppressed feelings–“why never? Try me, prove me! there is nothing I will not do to gain your love.”
Oh! how seductive to a female ear is the first declaration of an attachment, especially when urged by youth and merit!–it assails her heart in the most vulnerable part, and if it be not fortified unusually well, seldom fails of success. Happily for Julia, the image of Antonio presented itself to save her from infidelity to her old attachment, and she replied–
“You are kind and good, Charles, and I esteem you highly–but ask no more, I beg of you.”
“Why, if you grant me this, why forbid me to hope for more?” said the youth eagerly, and looking really handsome.
Julia hesitated a moment, and let her dark eyes fall before his ardent gaze, at a loss what to say–but the face of Apollo in the imperial uniform interposed to save her.
“I owe it to your candour, Mr. Weston, to own my weakness–” she said, and hesitated.
“Go on, Julia–my Julia,” said Charles, in an unusually soft voice; “kill me at once, or bid me live!”
Again Julia paused, and again she looked on her companion with kinder eyes than usual–when she felt the picture which lay next her heart, and proceeded–
“Yes, Mr. Weston, this heart, this foolish, weak heart is no longer my own.”
“How!” exclaimed Charles, in astonishment, “and have I then a rival, and a successful one too?”
“You have,” said Julia, burying her face in her hands to conceal her blushes.–“But, Mr. Weston, on your generosity I depend for secrecy–be as generous as myself.”
“Yes–yes–I will conceal my misery from others,” cried Charles, springing on his feet and rushing from the room; “would to God I could conceal it from myself!”
Julia was sensibly touched with his distress, and for an instant there was some regret mingled with self- satisfaction at her own candour–but then the delightful reflection soon presented itself of the gratitude of Antonio when he learnt her generous conduct, and her self-denial in favour of a man whom she had as yet never seen.–At the same time she was resolutely determined never to mention the occurrence herself–not even to her Anna.
Miss Emmerson was enabled to discover some secret uneasiness between Charles and Julia, although she was by no means able to penetrate the secret. The good aunt had long anxiously wished for just such a declaration as had been made to her niece, and it was one of the last of her apprehensions that it would not have been favourably received. Of simple and plain habits herself, Miss Emmerson was but little versed in the human heart; she thought that Julia was evidently happy and pleased with her young kinsman, and she considered him in every respect a most eligible connexion for her charge: their joint fortunes would make an ample estate, and they were alike affectionate and good-tempered–what more could be wanting? Nothing however passed in the future intercourse of the young couple to betray their secrets, and Miss Emmerson soon forgot her surmises. Charles was much hurt at Julia’s avowal, and had in vain puzzled his brains to discover who his rival could be. No young man that was in the least (so he thought) suitable to his mistress, visited her, and he gave up his conjectures in despair of discovering this unknown lover, until accident or design should draw him into notice. Little did he suspect the truth. On the other hand, Julia spent her secret hours in the delightful consciousness of having now done something that rendered her worthy of Antonio, with occasional regret that she was compelled by delicacy and love to refuse Charles so hastily as she had done.
Very soon after this embarrassing explanation, Julia received a letter from her friend that was in no way distinguishable from the rest, except that it contained the real name of Regulus, which she declared to be Henry Frederick St. Albans. If Charles was at a loss to discover Julia’s hidden love, Julia herself was equally uncertain how to know who this Mr. St. Albans was. After a vast deal of musing, she remembered that Anna was absent from school without leave one evening, and had returned alone with a young man who was unknown to the mistress. This incident was said, by some, to have completed her education rather within the usual time. Julia had herself thought her friend indiscreet, but on the whole, hardly treated–and they left the school together. This must have been St. Albans, and Anna stood fully exculpated in her eyes. The letter also announced the flattering fact, that Antonio had already left the country, ordering his servants and horses home, and that he had gone to New-York with the intention of hovering around Julia, in a mask, that she could not possibly remove, during the dangers of their expected journey. Anna acknowledged that she had betrayed Antonio’s secret, but pleaded her duty to her friend in justification. She did not think that Julia would be able to penetrate his disguise, as he had declared his intentions so to conceal himself, by paint and artifice, as to be able to escape detection. Here was a new source of pleasure to our heroine: Antonio was already on the wing for the city, perhaps arrived–nay, might have seen her, might even now be within a short distance of the summer-house where she was sitting at the time, and watching her movements. As this idea suggested itself, Julia started, and unconsciously arranging her hair, by bringing forward a neglected curl, moved with trembling steps towards the dwelling. At each turn of the walk our heroine threw a timid eye around in quest of an unknown figure, and more than once fancied she saw the face of the god of music peering at her from the friendly covert of her aunt’s shrubbery–and twice she mistook the light green of a neighbouring cornfield, waving in the wind, for the coat of Antonio. Julia had so long associated the idea of her hero with the image in her bosom, that she had given it perfect identity; but, on more mature reflection, she was convinced of her error: he would come disguised, Anna had told her, and had ordered his servants home; where that home was, Julia was left in ignorance–but she fervently hoped, not far removed from her beloved aunt. The idea of a separation from this affectionate relative, who had proved a mother to her in her infancy, gave great pain to her best feelings; and Julia again internally prayed that the residence of Antonio might not be far distant.– What the disguise of her lover would be, Julia could not imagine–probably, that of a wandering harper: but then she remembered that there were no harpers in America, and the very singularity might betray his secret. Music is the “food of love,” and Julia fancied for a moment that Antonio might appear as an itinerant organist–but it was only for a moment; for as soon as she figured to herself the Apollo form, bending under the awkward load of a music-grinder, she turned in disgust from the picture. His taste, thought Julia will protect me from such a sight–she might have added, his convenience too. Various disguises presented themselves to our heroine, until, on a view of the whole subject, she concluded that Antonio would not appear as a musician at all, but in some capacity in which he might continue unsuspected, near her person, and execute his project of shielding her from the dangers of travelling. It was then only as a servant that he could appear, and, after mature reflection, Julia confidently expected to see him in the character of a coachman.