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Hiring And Handling Salesmen
by
“The next day I took a ‘flyer,’ that is, called without making an appointment. I arranged to arrive at my man’s room in the afternoon when his recitations were over. His greeting was characteristic of the westerner,–as if we had known one another all our lives. He was a runner and did the one hundred yards dash in ten seconds flat and was the school’s champion. I talked athletics to beat the band and got him interested. He was unable to get the committee together until seven o’clock that evening, which meant that I would have to stay in the town over night, as the last train went to Boston around 6:30 o’clock. There was nothing else to do but stay, as you naturally know what bad business it would be to leave a committee about to decide.
“I saw a platinum photograph of myself sleeping in that third-class hotel. I kept on talking athletics, however, and the chairman was good enough to ask me to dine with him. After dinner we played billiards and he beat me. At 6:45 we adjourned to his room. He and his committee excused themselves to hold their meeting in a room on the floor below. I was smoking one of the chairman’s cigars, and was congratulating myself that things looked encouraging. The cigar was a good one, too. In half an hour the committee returned. The fellows lined up on the sofa, side by side, while the chairman straddled his chair and addressed me as follows:
“‘Well, Mr. Rogers, we have discussed the matter thoroughly and as impartially I think as any committee of fellows could do, who had the interest of their class seriously at heart. In a way we regret that you took the trouble to call, because, to speak frankly, we would rather write what we have to say, than to be placed in the somewhat embarrassing position of telling you orally.’
“My cigar, somehow or other, no longer tasted good, and I was holding it in an apathetic sort of a way, not caring whether it went out or not. The bum hotel loomed up in front of me also. Continuing, the chairman said:
“‘We have received something like six other estimates from different firms, and I must say some of their designs are “peaches.” There are two firms whose prices are lower than yours, too. We like your designs very much, but I think if you place yourself in our position you will see we have no other alternative but to place the order with another house.
“He shifted his position uneasily and added with that final air we know so well, ‘I want to thank you for your interest and trouble and we certainly appreciate the opportunity of seeing what you had to offer.’
“This was a nice sugar coat on a bitter pill, but I didn’t want to take my medicine. I stood up, prepared to make a strong and expiring effort and to explain what an easy thing it was for a firm to quote a low price, etc., when the chairman came over quickly with extended hand and said, ‘Now, we understand how you feel, old man, but there is no use prolonging this matter, which I assure you we regret more than we express. However,’ turning to the other fellows, ‘I think we are all agreed on one thing, and that is we are willing to make an exception in this case, and,’–here the corners of his mouth twitched and his eyes brightened up, ‘we will give you the order on one condition.’ I quickly asked what the condition was. ‘And that is,’ all the other fellows were standing up, smiling, ‘we will give you the order if you’ll take us to the show to-night!’
“It was well done and a clever piece of acting.
“The show, by the way, held in the town opera house, was a thrilling melodrama, and positively, it was so rotten it was good. The heroine was a girl who sold peanuts in one of the Exeter stores, and the villain was the village barber; I have forgotten who the hero was, but he was a ‘bird.’ The best part of the play was near the end. The villain was supposed to have murdered the hero by smashing him on the head with an iron bar and then pushing him into the river. At a critical stage, the hero walked serenely on the scene and confronted the villain. The villain assumed the good old stereotyped posture and shouted out with a horrified expression, ‘Stand back, stand back, your hands is cold and slimy!’ That busted up the show, as the audience, composed largely of the Academy boys, stood up as one and yelled. They finally started a cheer, ‘Stand back, stand back, your hands is cold and slimy!’ They repeated this cheer vigorously three times, and then crowded out of the house. That cheer can be heard at the Academy to- day.