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Goussiev
by
“I have not written home,” said Goussiev. “I shall die and they will never know.”
“They will know,” said the sailor in his deep voice. “When you die they will put you down in the log, and at Odessa they will give a note to the military governor, and he will send it to your parish or wherever it is….”
This conversation made Goussiev begin to feel unhappy and a vague desire began to take possession of him. He drank water–it was not that; he stretched out to the port-hole and breathed the hot, moist air–it was not that; he tried to think of his native place and the snow–it was not that…. At last he felt that he would choke if he stayed a moment longer in the hospital.
“I feel poorly, mates,” he said. “I want to go on deck. For Christ’s sake take me on deck.”
Goussiev flung his arms round the soldier’s neck and the soldier held him with his free arm and supported him up the gangway. On deck there were rows and rows of sleeping soldiers and sailors; so many of them that it was difficult to pick a way through them.
“Stand up,” said the bandaged soldier gently. “Walk after me slowly and hold on to my shirt….”
It was dark. There was no light on deck or on the masts or over the sea. In the bows a sentry stood motionless as a statue, but he looked as if he were asleep. It was as though the steamer had been left to its own sweet will, to go where it liked.
“They are going to throw Pavel Ivanich into the sea,” said the bandaged soldier. “They will put him in a sack and throw him overboard.”
“Yes. That’s the way they do.”
“But it’s better to lie at home in the earth. Then the mother can go to the grave and weep over it.”
“Surely.”
There was a smell of dung and hay. With heads hanging there were oxen standing by the bulwark–one, two, three … eight beasts. And there was a little horse. Goussiev put out his hand to pat it, but it shook its head, showed its teeth and tried to bite his sleeve.
“Damn you,” said Goussiev angrily.
He and the soldier slowly made their way to the bows and stood against the bulwark and looked silently up and down. Above them was the wide sky, bright with stars, peace and tranquillity–exactly as it was at home in his village; but below–darkness and turbulence. Mysterious towering waves. Each wave seemed to strive to rise higher than the rest; and they pressed and jostled each other and yet others came, fierce and ugly, and hurled themselves into the fray.
There is neither sense nor pity in the sea. Had the steamer been smaller, and not made of tough iron, the waves would have crushed it remorselessly and all the men in it, without distinction of good and bad. The steamer too seemed cruel and senseless. The large-nosed monster pressed forward and cut its way through millions of waves; it was afraid neither of darkness, nor of the wind, nor of space, nor of loneliness; it cared for nothing, and if the ocean had its people, the monster would crush them without distinction of good and bad.
“Where are we now?” asked Goussiev.
“I don’t know. Must be the ocean.”
“There’s no land in sight.”
“Why, they say we shan’t see land for another seven days.”
The two soldiers looked at the white foam gleaming with phosphorescence. Goussiev was the first to break the silence.
“Nothing is really horrible,” he said. “You feel uneasy, as if you were in a dark forest. Suppose a boat were lowered and I was ordered to go a hundred miles out to sea to fish–I would go. Or suppose I saw a soul fall into the water–I would go in after him. I wouldn’t go in for a German or a Chinaman, but I’d try to save a Russian.”