PAGE 7
Getting Married
by
“Very well, no bells. But, mind you,” I said sternly, “I shall insist on a clergyman.”
We went through the rest of the menu, course by course.
“I know what I shall do,” I said at last. “I shall call on my friend the Clerk again, and I shall speak to him quite frankly. I shall say, ‘Here is a cheque for a thousand pounds. It is all I can afford–and, by the way, you’d better pay it in quickly or it will be dishonoured. Can you do us up a nice wedding for a thousand inclusive?'”
“Like the Christmas hampers at the stores.”
“Exactly. A dozen boys’ voices, a half-dozen of bells, ten yards of awning, and twenty-four oranges, or vergers, or whatever it is. We ought to get a nice parcel for a thousand pounds.”
“Or,” said Celia, “we might send the list round to our friends as suggestions for wedding presents. I’m sure Jane would love to give us a couple of policemen.”
“We’d much better leave the whole thing to your father. I incline more and more to the opinion that it is his business to provide the wedding. I must ask my solicitor about it.”
“He’s providing the bride.”
“Yes, but I think he might go further. I can’t help feeling that the bells would come very well from him. ‘Bride’s father to bridegroom–A peal of bells.’ People would think it was something in silver for the hall. It would do him a lot of good in business circles.”
“And that reminds me,” smiled Celia, “there’s been some talk about a present from Miss Popley.”
I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to get married decently unless one’s life is ordered on some sort of system. Mine never has been; and the result is that I make terrible mistakes–particularly in the case of Miss Popley. At the beginning of the business, when the news got round to Miss Popley, I received from her a sweet letter of congratulation. Knowing that she was rather particular in these matters I braced myself up and thanked her heartily by return of post. Three days later, when looking for a cheque I had lost, I accidentally came across her letter. “Help, help!” I cried. “This came days ago, and I haven’t answered yet.” I sat down at once and thanked her enthusiastically. Another week passed and I began to feel that I must really make an effort to catch my correspondence up; so I got out all my letters of congratulation of the last ten days and devoted an afternoon to answering them. I used much the same form of thanks in all of them … with the exception of Miss Popley’s, which was phrased particularly warmly.
So much for that. But Miss Popley is Celia’s dear friend also. When I made out my list of guests I included Miss Popley; so, in her list, did Celia. The result was that Miss Popley received two invitations to the wedding…. Sometimes I fear she must think we are pursuing her.
“What does she say about a present?” I asked.
“She wants us to tell her what we want.”
“What are we to say? If we said an elephant—-“
“With a small card tied on to his ear, and ‘Best wishes from Miss Popley’ on it. It would look heavenly among the other presents.”
“You see what I mean, Celia. Are we to suggest something worth a thousand pounds, or something worth ninepence? It’s awfully kind of her, but it makes it jolly difficult for us.”
“Something that might cost anything from ninepence to a thousand pounds,” suggested Celia.
“Then that washes out the elephant.”
“Can’t you get the ninepenny ones now?”
“I suppose,” I said, reverting to the subject which most weighed on me, “she wouldn’t like to give the men’s voices for the choir?”
“No, I think a clock,” said Celia. “A clock can cost anything you like–or don’t like.”
“Right-o. And perhaps we’d better settle now. When it comes, how many times shall we write and thank her for it?”
Celia considered. “Four times, I think,” she said.
. . . . .
Well, as Celia says, it’s too late to draw back now. But I shall be glad when it’s all over. As I began by saying, there’s too much “arranging” and “settling” and “fixing” about the thing for me. In the necessary negotiations and preparations I fear I have not shone. And so I shall be truly glad when we have settled down in our flat … and Celia can restore my confidence in myself once more by talking loudly to her domestic staff about “The Master.”